12: Part of a Lifestyle

There it goes.

Last week was my final week as an Inventory Analyst at Indigo, and this week was my first week of unemployment. It's been interesting, to say the least.

The last week, and really the whole time running up to my departure, was interesting. I've already noted there was kind of a buzz around and I briefly felt like the main character of the office. The week itself leading up to my last day on the 15th was very full. Monday, I had scheduled a dentist appointment in the middle of the afternoon, something I had put off way too long once I resolved to quit. I should have done it in March, but life has a habit of getting away from one. Annoyingly but not surprisingly, they found some cavities that I needed to get looked at, sooner than later, especially once I made it known I would be losing some of my coverage. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. I was convinced to come back the next day, which was meant to be a WFH day.

After the Dentist, there was a team social at Parlour, a fancy pizza place next door to the office. It was nice, and sharing some beers and food with everyone satisfied my need for any kind of farewell. Because *everyone* was there it was a little less intimate than I might have liked, but I spent a good amount of time talking to James and Don about the future and the present, and then walked to the train with Meghan, sharing my thoughts on the crossroads she was at, then riding home with her and her boss Maria H. I picked up some sushi for dinner.

Tuesday, I put in some work, then went and got my train, working more on the train. The overall theme of the week was that I was working strangely hard for someone who was not going to be there next week. That's kind of my calling card, give and give and give until there's no more, and I'm not sure I could have gone out any other way, but they didn't make it easy given how much pressure Ryan's been under with his categories of Religion and Business. I was actually kind of annoyed at that because I really just wanted to be handling ad hoc tasks and this felt like stuff that I could pass off to someone else, but Andrew T was insistent. "Just push the button, one more time."

Wednesday, I got lunch with Tony. I hadn't had a chance to tell him in person that I would be putting in my notice because our last few meetups had been pushed back, so I texted him beforehand to say "By the way, this is what's going on," and we spent most of the time talking about that, what I would do, what it was like out there. Tony is of course uniquely positioned to weigh in on the situation. It was reassuring to hear him say that, even knowing what he knows about the job market, he would have quit Indigo only a few months later had he not been let go. That takes guts to do. We talked about that, and politics, and the usual sorts of topics.

Thursday, then, was my last day, and it started off on a kind of funny note when I found out that my exit interview was going to be a teams call. Like, are you serious?? You're not even here for this meeting, and you didn't even book a two-person room for me to sit in so I could vent my spleen? I went ahead and booked one for myself (Scott Sits Alone In a Room 10-10:30) so that I could speak candidly and comfortably. I think I was very forthright on my feelings about the work and Indigo culture and why I was quitting, frank without being vitriolic or bitter, and appreciative of the good parts of Indigo. There are parts that I didn't have a chance to speak on, about what it means to move forward with that company, but I don't think it matters.

Then I had a handover meeting with Don and Maria. It was pretty simple, I've prepared Maria pretty well and Don is Don, although he did ask for my insight into how I do a certain weekly task because he believed -- perhaps correctly -- that it takes me less time than him. A nice compliment to go out on.

Brandon had offered to take me to lunch the day before, but I had my thing with Tony so I suggested Thursday. We, with Ryan, ended up going for sushi because it seemed most agreeable, and we took it to a nearby park where we sat in the sun, which ended up being less-than-ideal as it was a warm week overall. We talked about old times and movies and what next.

The afternoon was a weirdly full one; we had the finals of Munch Madness, the quixotic quest to determine the best snack ever, a reprise of an attempt made just prior to the pandemic. Sour patch kids were the ultimate winner. Then I had to disappear for an hour for a really weird reason. Mel had gotten a call early that day saying that our car insurance slip had been found at her office... in Toronto. The reason for this was that I was supposed to put it in the car, but forgot (being overburdened by tasks) and left it in my jacket pocket, where, upon fidgeting with my phone, it slipped out, right as I was going into her building for my final bagel (because her building has the good Bagel Stop.) It's kind of funny. It could have landed anywhere from Burlington Go to the train to Union to wherever, but it was right there in that building, and made its way to her office. She was in Oakville at the time. She was suspicious and then nonplussed at the error and finally amused. She made me promise not to wait until 4 to go get it, so I carved out some time in my day to do so.

One weird thing about this week is that the King Street Streetcars have been non-operational and replaced by somewhat less-reliable buses. So I bit the bullet and walked all the way back to Bay to get to Mel's office. It was a nice day for it, but I was glad to be able to get a bus back. I got one last coffee at Jimmy's, then went upstairs to compose my goodbye letter and say a long farewell replete with hugs. They had sent me a nice e-card that morning but also presented me with a wonderful farewell gift of a Marvel compendium signed by all. I lingered probably longer than anyone expected -- Mel was at her office in Oakville for a social that day so I was in no hurry to get home, as I would be meeting her at the station there after 7. 

Eventually, after leaving my computer and key card at Maria's desk (did I tell you it stopped working on the elevators the day after I put in my notice? Strange and annoying... but at least I could still go between floors) I walked out into the sunny air and took it all in, ambling down King Street with no particular destination in mind. I sat at David Picault Square a while, wrote a little Instagram post, and then once I was feeling hungry went to South Street Burgers for food. There I had a long Instagram back-and-forth with James about what the future might hold.

Mel had the next day off, so we had a four-day-weekend together which was nice, largely spent doing chores and the like, folding the mountains of laundry that had piled up over the months. The previous weekend, Mel's parents had come by -- Mel, her mom and sister went to a student production of Grease on Saturday so I spent the day hanging out with Papa H, taking down the Christmas lights and putting up the patio table. I also had to dash out to help my mom with her TV at her new place. This weekend was a combo Brandon-Scott birthday (I had asked for the mashup because thinking about the prospect of going over twice in quick succession gave me and Mel both some anxiety.) Eric hadn't heard I was quitting, so we talked a bit about that but not as much as you might think. Inspired by Mel's recent theatre experience, we watched Grease and Grease 2 (not as good), and then, because it was suggested on Disney+, Greek -- which is a bit anodyne for my tastes but meh. We also got to spend at least one day pretty much just hanging out reading, which was lovely. I was back at Mom's over the long weekend to help her hang a picture and do some more tech stuff for her, which necessitated a return trip when her HDMI cable for her monitor was busted and also she switched back to Virgin TV so I had to set up the firestick for her.

Parents.

It's been kind of a weird week to get started on my unemployment term. Mel's been out of the house twice, one to a teambuilding event at a theatre, once to her office in Oakville again, so I've had lots of time to putter around for myself. I have lots of ideas but nothing concrete in the way of plans. I do have things I want to accomplish both personally and semi-professionally. But I can't forget that my long term goal is to get another spreadsheet job, just one that gives me breathing room to live my life. I don't know if this is possible or not.

By way of filling my days, I've written, I've cleaned (though not as much as I could) I've accomplished some tasks, I've taken care of Hank, I have applied for at least one job. When Mel wasn't around I watched Empire Strikes Back, some of Return of the Jedi, and some wrestling. I've written every day. The weather has cooled down, albeit less bitingly than it had been, more to a mild cool, generally pleasant spring temperature, with some rain. Not bad, but I guess I won't be gardening yet.

A few weeks before I left, I had lunch with Aunt Lori, and we discussed in part my future. She gave me some good advice and encouragement and reflected on some of her own experiences. It was helpful, and more than that it was great to catch up with her.

I was looking back at some old posts, arbitrarily chosen, and noticing how down I was on that job even before RTO came in; how I was starting to think about it being time to go. There was no impetus, that would come later, only a vague yen. That's why it's been so hard to underline to people that I was growing dissatisfied even before I made the decision. Better times were ahead, and by the time I quit there was a lot to like about the job again, I was very much in the groove, but there was unshakeable, un-ignorable problems we have all discussed at length.

And I guess that's that. The future is more uncertain than it's been for a very long time. I am unmoored for the first time, and trying to like it.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

11: House in Order

I wasn't sure what to call this entry, but that's the title of an issue of X-Men I'm about to write up for the blog and it's also an early R.E.M. lyric so it makes sense.

Unsurprisingly I did not turn right around and write this post, but eh, close enough, right?

So, a lot has been going on in the midst of all this quitting stuff. The weather has been very reluctant to embrace spring and get warm, although one or two days were cranked into the twenties, it has settled back down under 10.

April was largely a blur -- we went out to Waterdown the weekend before Easter to get Hank's picture taken at a fundraiser for BATM. We did our taxes, which was a whole... thing... or things, but it seems to have worked out fine. What had happened was that we had been asked in mid-2024 to submit supporting documentation for our medical claims, which I missed because the notification never reached my email (I checked and checked.) I didn't hear about it until they put a notice of collection out in January. That was annoying, but we gathered all the documents and submitted and I just found out today we are free and clear. Taxes were not breezy this year either because as much as I love Mel sometimes us putting out heads together doesn't work as well as I'd like it to. But we got through it and it should be fine and I will be sure to check over the summer if they do require supporting docs.

Easter Weekend was big and busy. We saw everyone. We went to lunch with my mom at North Coal, which she declared her new favourite spot in Burlington, even though they mixed up our orders -- we had both ordered a steak bowl but mine was medium and hers was medium rare. I asked the waitress if she was sure which one was which and she assured me, but I realized partway through they mine was on the rare side. I still ate it and was forgiving when I told her.

Mom told us she had sold her house, thus ending that drama, and while the results weren't perfect, the point is it's done and she no longer has to worry about that quagmire.

The next night we saw Dad and Deb and caught up with them about their California trip and all that -- no problems at the border but they did get pulled over for speeding in the national park. Oops.

Dad was less enthused than others about my quitting. He said he couldn't quite approve of quitting a job without something to go to, which I understand. He sure spent plenty of time unemployed over the years and knows well enough to value job security. But I told him that I needed out and that I didn't have energy to do the job search while I was working and he acknowledged the validity of that. Brandon piped up and mentioned there may be some freelance work at his site, so I pursued that, and after a bunch of back and forth it didn't amount to anything. Part of that may be due to my crappy negotiating skills but I honestly think they weren't looking to pay nearly a fraction of what I'm worth. Which is not to say I think I'm worth $$$ but to comment on what they were looking to pay.

Well hey, easy come, easy go -- I didn't quit this job thinking I could do work for them, it was just a nice thought while it was on the table (and enabled me to tell people honestly that "I had leads on freelance work.") Maybe someday we can revisit, because in all honesty it's something I would like to do if the money was right, but I think we're still pretty far apart on the value of time. Mel was skeptical about me spending all that much time on something that wasn't going to pay much anyway.

Like, I can't imagine putting in hours and hours or research and writing for... what, $25? I could do some joe schmo work for that, but nothing that requires brains.

(Sour grapes or an honest appraisal of the situation?)

Sunday, we went to Mel's parents' house for "lunch" that somehow lasted until 9. It was a lot, especially with the babies there to be fussed over. A long night that left us all drained and ended with one of the more embarrassing incidents of my brain fog, which I would rather not re-live.

The other story from that day happened beforehand when Mel and I were the targets of road rage on the QEW. That was a new one. Apparently some guy took exception to my merge. He got in front of us, gave us the finger, yelled out the window, gave us the finger again, cut us off repeatedly, swerving all over the road without any turn signals, before finally getting off a few exits before us. It kinda sucked but we put in a report and felt fine about it afterward. Ryan gave us some tips on how to handle that situation in the future.

Monday -- this past Monday, not the one after Easter -- I started spreading the news about my quitting. There was some surprise, not necessarily because of wanting to quit but actually going through with it, because hey, who does that? I can't remember if anyone asked "why," because I feel like the reasons are a little self-evident. I've been framing it as wanting to pursue new things, which is true, and downplaying the obvious factor of disgruntlement with the company. I keep being sure to hit the "I'm lucky to have a safety net" note, and there was the freelancer thing that made people go "Hm, okay" while I was semi-true.

I let the cat out of the bag more widely on Wednesday in kind of a weird, inadvertent way. I was sitting with Maria to show her some of my tips and tricks about managing Kobo, and after the meeting was done, Brandon asked "How long are you going away for?" and I said "Forever!" From there it became kind of a sensation as the word spread, and I have to admit I was a little giddy to be the main character of the office for a day. I worried that I seemed a bit too happy to leave.

There's still part of me that thinks it could end up being a mistake, that I should have suffered longer, but why? I just don't see a way forward. Eight years have gone by pretty quick -- what do I want the next eight years to look like? It's not 6 AM wakeups and hourlong train rides and John McClane baths in the office restroom.

The next step, once I have a bit of breathing room, will be to set an agenda. I haven't been unemployed since 2009, except for the month between HMV and Coles, and I haven't been unoccupied ever. I need to figure out what I am going after and what the structure of my life, as I pursue it, will be. What does the job search look like, what do I do to develop my skills, how do I incorporate my personal work, housework, and tending to Mel?

I have braced her for the fact that this is not a short blip. If all I needed was a new job, I probably would have at least tried to apply for more while I was working, but it's clear my life needs to look different and this is a project that could take six months to a year (I don't think she's excited about a year of unemployment, but we'll check back in six months.)

God. If they had never pulled us back into the office -- at least not for three soul-sucking days out of five to start with -- I could have been perfectly happy being unhappy for a very long time. I could have done, say, Mondays and Wednesdays (although Monday morning is not fun, I have noted the abundance of meetings on a Monday made it a less-fun WFH day) for a long while. Or Tuesdays and Wednesdays. It's nice to see people some of the time, I get it. But I do think this entire situation was too fragile to last. I'm not meant to do this anymore. This job doesn't work for me, brother.

Crazy, crazy to think.

In the midst of all this was a federal election that went about the way I thought it would. We have bolstered ourselves against right-wing fascism, rejecting vocal Trumpism largely but not unanimously. I would like to get more involved and help nudge this country a little more in the direction I think it ought to go. Perhaps that's something I can do to add meaning to my life in the future.

I think that will bring you up to speed for now. The clock is ticking...

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto