Dix-Neuf: Have you ever lived?

As you've probably noticed by now, I am rather fond of the entry-titles that have nothing to do with post content. It's getting to the point where I think of them during the day, when I'm nowhere at all near a computer. Then later, when I actually have time to post, I can't think of a good one, so I just come up with an arbitrary statement on the spot... or in this case, a quote from a movie. (Ham & Cheese, review on Interneta.)

So I have officially joined the work force. I lost my Porter virginity last night, and boy was it excruciating. Yes, I hate my job, I hate it so bad. It is, however, the type of hatred you can put up with for the money, and only suffer in the quietest moments. I won't even hve to work too many hours, since there's 6 people doing the same job. That means less money, but I'm not accustomed to having any sort of money anyway.

And what with school soon to be getting in the way, I'll need all the downtime I can get my hands on anyhow. And I wouldn't want to do that f'n job more than a couple times a week anyhow. I'm still sore from last night, and next time I won't even have any help. I'll be flying solo, late into a Saturday night, probably in the dark for at least part of that, with noisy fuckin' music to deal with... my job sucks bad enough in its regular state. Going 3 extra hours does not sound apetizing to me.

To those of you who don't already know, here's what I do: I get there at 5 at empty the garbage. Then I wipe down all the tables. Then I put away any stray bowling balls and put pencils out for the league. Once that's done, I walk from one end of the bowling alley to the next... all fucking night. While I'm walking, it falls to me to remove any glasses or garbage that might amass, rescue stray balls from the gutter, and generally help people in need. But for the most part I don't do anything... except for walk, back and forth, for hours. At the end of the night, I do everything I was doing at the beginning, make sure everything is a-okay, and punch out... then go home and do not walk anywhere for as long as possible.

Anyway, with that behind me, I've got a pretty nice week lined up. Tomorrow, after I take care of my school crap, my brothers and I are heading down to the Ex. Then on Friday I get to do nothing. Trust me, I am muy excited for that. That means "very excited."

On saturday evening, I'm actually making good on my pledge to myself. Anisah and I are going mini-golfing.

Y'know, I don't know what any of it means. The woman is like a puzzle box, a Rubik's cube... seemingly impossible to figure out, and yet... well, you know. I mean, if you were at Conorton's after Cary's show, you probably know. From what I recall, I was rather... vocal about it. Well, people were asking, anyway. I think Vanessa's on my side, she was helpful. I don't know how it'll all turn out, but I'll just be glad to see her again before she goes.

I don't do well with unresolved feelings. Leanne from Bateman would tell you that.

Wait, no she wouldn't, because that was unresolved, and I'm fairly sure she didn't like me, at least not by the end since she had a boyfriend. I think. I don't know for sure however, since it's unresolved. It's not even that important, since I've moved on, and yet, here I am.

There's so much to do, and so much to think about, to write about, to pontificate on... but I think I'm spent for the night. We'll resume this discussion in September (tomorrow,) and you all just keep on rockin'
-Monsieur Scotto

Dix-Huit: Broken Teeth

Some assorted thoughts today:

I should write more plays. Making this movie has soured me a bit on the idea of screenwriting, but I do like the theatre. The audience that goes to the theatre might more readily understand the tone of irony I like to use in my writing... on film it just feels like a dialogue-heavy festival of the cliché. A story on the screen is about where the characters are going, on the stage it's about where they are. It's more about the moment than the action or the anticipation. When you get an audience, it's easy to keep them, but a film audience is more easily lost... and that's how I feel the movie might turn out.

T-minus 3 hours until I start training for work at the bowling alley. That'll be weird. I'll finally know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, instead of just providing a vague description.

We're out of dishwashing soap. That's something, in all the time since we've had a dishwasher (about a year, +/- a few weeks) we've never been without soap, and now here we are, fresh out of soap and just petering around thinking "hm, when should we get the soap?" Man, I dunno, how about now? We've got a ton of dirty dishes.

Yeah, all right.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

Dix-Sept: The Knife Has Feelings, Too

Cripes. It's getting to be one of those days. It certainly was one of those nights. After all that, when I got up to bed, I was just lying there, awake, worrying that I had some kind of disease I didn't know about. Now, when I was a kid I used to be prone to all sorts of irrational fears, but I haven't been stricken with one in a very long time. So there I was, up much later than I usually am on a Saturday (which is fairly late to begin with, I guess,) just thinking about the possibility of my getting this disease, and how it'd affect my life and whatnot.

It was just so completely irrational. I can't even say for sure what made me start thinking about that particular disease. It's really freaking me out. I can't even say "nobody in my family has it," since my cousin Evan does. He does all right, though, and I'm fairly certain that if it's genetic that it came from his mother's side, not the side I'm on... even so, it makes me think.

Another night of agony, my dears. I was unable to follow through last night, obviously, predictably. It's just so sad, even I've never felt this lame. It was like I was in line for a roller coaster and then as soon as I got to the front, I turned around and said "I changed my mind!" Which is the most embarassing thing to do, since there's nothing wrong with rollercoasters. They can't hurt you... unless you go to the Ex, in which case you're really taking your chances.

But somewhere in that metaphor I had a point... oh yeah, I suck. It's official, the results are in, the votes have been tallied, I officially suck for not being able to take control of this situation. I am the most over-worrisome human being this side of Woody Allen. But enough obsessing over that.

I went over to Kyle's today to capture all my footage. I am so angry at this movie, I really want it to be done. The audio sucks, the angles are unimaginative... it really did work better as a play. Hah. Well, all the same, I've got to see this through to the end.

I've also got Sewerman to work on... and a job that I start training for tomorrow... and college stuff to worry about.

I hate life. Is everybody else out there finding this whole "growing up" thing is way too complicated?

Fuck. Who'd have thought there'd be so much paperwork?

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

Seize: From me to you

I was hoping that tonight would be the night. I was hoping that tonight, I'd finally work up the courage to call her up and get her to go somewhere with me. Where? I don't know, mini-golf maybe. But I couldn't do it. It started raining and I lost that state of mind, as I have oh so many times these past weeks. I jst know my timing would be bad, I'm not an impulsive kind of guy because I just have this prevailing fear that it'll be the worst time possible.

So I'm depressed because of this. What at once seemed for sure now seems like some distant kind of fantasy. We haven't spoken since Cary's show, and even then it was only for a few moments before I foolishly took a sea that was across the room from her, like a shmuck. She hasn't been online in weeks, and even when "she" comes online, I have to ask if it's her, knowing that it isn't, and that I'd be pleasantly surprised if it were. I can't call, she never said I should. She never said I shouldn't, and inf act she gave me her number, but that was for an occasion long since past, and I don't know if taht applies. I mean, it probably does but I'm such a nebbish I have to use it as an excuse for why I don't call her already. I already told you about the fear of bad timing. That's why the internet is so much better for me. She's already there, waiting for someone to talk to her, it's an open invitation. Plus it gives you a moment to think about what you're saying as you type it, but that's a different ordeal altogether.

She's "debating whether or not she likes me," says Vanessa. That's... odd. Well, let me say that it's at least flattering. I do a lot of debating myself, but usually more along the lines of "Would we work? Does it makes sense? Have I got a shot?" The answers to all three of these are "yes," or at least they would be, were she not moving off to University in almost a week. There's no time.

So here I am, spending the evening writing, just thinking about this situation. Something, meanwhile, is stirring within me. Could I make the call? Or will I be proven right about my "bad timing" theory?

Oh, what could it hurt... the worst that could happen is that I get sent back here and I know the answer for sure.

Keep on rockin
-Scotto

Quinze: What it would be called

So here I am, done shooting my movie, with no idea how or when or under what circumstances it'll be edited. I've got a job on the horizon, as well as college to worry about. If it's not one thing it's another, man.

I can't even think of it. I know it's coming soon but at this point college is just a huge clusterfuck of things I've gotta deal with but don't want to. Financial aid, laptop registration, etc, etc.

So yesterday we all got together for the final shoot of Half-Past Eight PM; an event that should have happened almost a month ago, and a scene that we shot close to two months ago, the goodbye scene between Doug and Lauren. This time, no alternate takes, no fake ending. And after the shooting, the interviews and a monologue that we re-wrote on the spot, Lauren left and we three just chilled for a while, Doug eventually shellacking me at Ping Pong, grabbing lunch at Extreme Pita (that was officially my first Extreme Pita ever, by the way,) we watched the first half of Eulogy (a film I recommended to Doug, which he liked, then recommended to Ryan, who also liked,) before it was time to go. We resolved to go and see the 40-Year-Old Virgin.

That we did, and Becky joined us. It was the 10:30 show, though, so I didn't get back to the house until almost 1. It was an incredible movie, too, I haven't laughed that hard at the movies... ever. Even compared to the movies I watch at home, it was funnier. And I finally got rid of those $15 in Gift Certificates I got from Bowling all those months ago. They've just been sitting on my desk all summer and now they've been put to good use. I'm glad.

Speaking of bowling, I've got that to deal with on Monday. I've gotta go in there for training on Monday. They called today while I was out and by the time I got in, the manager (Ed,) was gone for the day. how d'you like that? Well, I'll try to work this out, as I'd really like, y'know, to be able to spend money this year.

It's so weird, too; all my friends are either leaving their jobs (Doug,) transferring to a location closer to school (Alyssa,) or flat-out unemployed after Pizza Hut went under (Ryan.) [That's not to say I only have 3 friends, but they're examples of the various scenarios.] Meanwhile, here I am, poised on the brink of my first real job, headed into college. Man, how different things would have been, had this job come up a year ago, but for whatever reason it did not.

It's odd that when I say "I got a job at the bowling alley," both mom and dad replied, "you mean, you GOT it?" with great dubiousness. I don't know why they mistrust me, although it may stem from last year's A&W debacle. I still wonder what went wrong there. It was a lack of instruction on their part (or, more frustrtingly, perhaps a lack of understanding on my part.)

I saw Doug today, while he was working what I believe is his final shift today. He was regaling us last night with tales of his manager Paulo, whose ineptness at scheduling had him putting two people closing on Monday, neither of whom will be working there by then. Eric and I ended up renting a Canadian movie called Ham & Cheese, which was funny but kind of a downer. Look for a review (along with 40-Year-Old Virgin)

I don't want to lose contact. Even if we don't talk now, some of us, we should. I've had two months to get used to the idea of nobody being around. Hell, I've lived all this time not been around virtually nobody. Still, the fact of everyboy going off to their own little corners leaves me feeling a little isolated. I'll have to dive into school and work.

Well, whatever. It's a sad time of the year, the end of August: the weather gets chilly (hasn't yet,) the leaves change (not so far,) and the specter of the new school year looms imminent.

If I knew this Classic Bowl thing was happening, I'd have done what Kyle is doing. I wouldn't be making much, but I'd have a nice nestegg saved up, and tons of free time. But it was just one of those things that happened, and I'm glad I'll have that.

Still, it'd be nice to see those familiar faces more.

Keep on rockin' all of you out there. Unfortunately, you can only expect more downbeat posts in the future
-Scott

Quatorze: Can't eat if I'm not hungry

Look, it's hard enough being in control of my own life without having to tell others what to do.

We had another shoot tonight. I'm rather happy with the way things have worked out; though the lighting may seem rather inconsistent throughout the film, I feel it is within my abilities to fiddle with the brightness in post and get a desired consistency.

It was hard, tonight. It was one of the most difficult shoots to manage, because it involved more people than previous ones. It was me, Chris, Kyle, Ryan, and Emma, doing her first night on the set. Actually, it ended up being her only night on the set since we actually got all of her footage done. However, I didn't get anything from her in the way of featurette stuff, so maybe I'll hit her up for that later.

At the end of the night Kyle was gracious enough to provide rides home, much to the dismay of his stepfather. Chris gave me Doug's Dane Cook CD to return to him tomorrow. He was accurate in prophesizing that it'd be on my computer by the end of the night; I'm ripping it as we speak. What can I say? It's hilarious.

So tomorrow marks the end of the remarkable, storied, much beset-upon shooting phase of the movie, and Kyle and I have discussed options in terms of editing. He said he may work out with his parents a circumstance under which it'd be okay for me to be at his place without him there, so that'd be sweet. It's just weird to think about how after tomorrow I won't have to deal with the hassle of going out, pointing the camera at things and yelling "action."

I've got a lot of educational and professional stuff to deal with these days. I'm traipsing boldly into the future, an uncertain and very weird future. It's hard to believe, but less than 2 weeks from now I'll have attended my first college class. That's such an odd thought. Odd and terrifying.

But enough of that, I'm in a good mood for now, I'm actually getting some feeling of accomplishment lately, thanks to the movie business nearing completion; I can taste that last shot.

All right, keep on rockin
-Scotto

Treize: Living after Midnight

It's really discomforting to me that, after over a month of complete inactivity, I've been getting really busy lately. It's out of control.

I got up and went out to Coffee Time today at 11 to meet with this guy, Soheil, basically jsut to tell him I wasn't gonna be his fundraising stooge. Okay, I wasn't so harsh about it, but looking at the other people who were there, I think I made the right call. Especially since I legitimately will be employed by the bowling alley this time next week (if all goes as planned.)

I got my Sheridan timetable today. Let me lament the fact that I was not granted a day off during the week, as Kris was, instead I only had one day during which I have only one class. Every day but Tuesday has 2 classes, although one of the ones on Friday will only last to midterm, so I've got that going for me. Still, I'm gonna be a busy fuckin' guy. Still, it is "subject to change," although it doesn't seem like any of that is going to change any time soon.

Also today, I learned that I'm eligible for a pretty hefty QEII Scholarship, so I'm excited about that.

The movie's falling into place. The universe is churning its gears and straining its cogs, but everything is in motion.

Soon I'm going to have to face the concept of college enrollment. I thought a bit about it today but I'd rather not write here about it, since I don't feel like I've got enough perspective to really say anything good. It's just weird.

I was walking by the school today, around the back as I would on my way to my Grandma's (or in this case, on the way back,) when who should I see but Rosser. Boy, that was awkward, facing the fact that I no longer belong to that world. So we chatted a bit, then he had to get back to work on his lights or whatever he had going on.

Someday, I'll be able to relax.

Doesn't look like that day will be soon, but what I've got is at least a relieved type of weariness. Things might not be so complicated-seeming if I weren't getting that job at Classic Bowl, but I'd be out the money. And the money sounds mighty appetizing.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

Douze: Keep me company through the night

What a frightful day.

I don't mean that in a bad way. Far from it, since I sit here at the end of it all, delighted at what I've done. I'm just thinking about how there were at various points of the day moments during which I'd be downright frightened at whatever it was I was doing.

When I got back from walking Xena, (which I'm doing this week because Eric... well, that's a long story in and of itself,) I called this guy, Ed, at Classic Bowl, about the job. So he's trying to get me in for an interview, and I'm like "hm, wow, I'm busy this week," and he's like "yeah, well, there's gotta be some time this week we can get you" and I'm just thinking "oh God, shit, fuck." So after a quick lookup on Oakville Transit's website, I map out a bus route and find myself determined to get down there.

Bad move. I wound up going the least direct way possible, finding myself in no less than 2 distinct parts of Oakville I didn't recognize, and eventually at Clarkson station before making it back to the Hyde Park/Vega/Dundas area I know as home to Classic Bowl. I left, it was quarter to 3, I told him I'd be there "in like an hour," the end result being my walknig in through the door at about 5. After the incredibly short meeting, I called mom for a drive home and we theorized on how, if I'm to work at Classic Bowl, I can actually get to and from said Bowling alley. There's a strong likelihood I'll be working late, pass bus hours, and even so the bus is far from direct.

Anyhow, it looks like I'll be a bowling alley porter, which seems to me to be a nothing job with little pay. More trouble than it may very well be worth, but here I go anyway.

So after that whole adventure, I gave myself less than an hour to eat and grab my shit, so we could trek out to Milton, grab Neabel, get everybody into costume, shoot some stuff, and come back. In the mood for an evening drive (soundtrack courtesy of the hilarious new Dane Cook CD,) I accompanied Chris Brown and Neabel back into Milt.

So after all these escapades, I'm fairly wired for the night. I just want to unwind, maybe write something, relax a bit, pretend the rest of the universe has shut down except for the sound of my clack-clacking keyboard.

I've still got quite a bit of work to do, in the movie and in terms of getting my life together. I'm getting my schedule for school tomorrow, and that's one less thing to think about. I'm on the right path and I'm too far to turn back.

It's just one thing. That one thing that could somewhat be described as that aching, cavernous yearning in my soul. Human desires. To be free of grief, to be done with my movie, to be romantically involved, etc, etc. I'm taking aim and shooting down all those little things, one by one, taking care of business in a flash. And it's getting better all the time.

I don't know when my movie will be done. I've got two shoots left scheduled, and that might be the end of that, but the matter of editing could take weeks to straighten out. I'm thinking I might burn off one simple DVD of the film, and premiere that, and then complete all the features such as the featurette, trailer and even, hopefully, commentary. I'm just still rather concerned as to whether or not it'll be done before everybody moves off. People, such as Alyssa, are already going in some cases.

So at this point in the night, I feel somewhat isolated. This blog is my only communication to the outside world. I think I've said all I have, so I think I'll go, rest, unwind a bit.

Keep on rockin' my friends
-Mr. Scotto

Onze: For my next trick...

Scotto Williams sells out, part II: Return to the Working World.

Just like last year, as the end of summer encroaches, I've been considering employment. Unlike last year, I feel prepared for any obstacles.

Here's what's been happening lately: last Friday night I was out for a stroll to the white store to pick up some snacks, when I passed an ad posted for "Canvassers needed, part time work" etc, etc. Knowing it was a bizarre chance for a decent paying gig, I took the number and left a message. The guy, Soheil, calls me back, and in his almost impenetrable Indian accent, gets me to negotiate my way into a job. The follow-up call, with the head honcho, Reino, was easier to understand.

At the end of the conversation, it became somewhat clear to me that I was out of my head. I had just agreed to go door-to-door raising funds, for a cause I don't know, for people I've just met and don't understand. This is something I don't want to do. I've got a meeting with them on Tuesday. I don't know if I'm going to take this opportunity.

See, here's the kicker. Earlier this evening, I got a call from Val, the head honcho (I don't know why, but I felt like using that one more than one in a single entry;) at Classic Bowl's youth program. She's recruiting major-division bowlers like myself for employment, an opportunity I feel I ought to take, although transportation seems like a bother. So I'm gonna call the manager, Ed, tomorrow and maybe set that up, to dave myself the embarassment of having to go door to door like some filthy beggar, peddler, or solicitor. Instead, I reckon I'll be a pin monkey, working behind the scenes at the lanes (which rarely seem to malfunction anyway.) "Then maybe," she says, "we'll train you on the counter." Sounds groovy.

I really like the idea of working at a bowling alley; inasmuch as it beats working as a fundraiser for little money at all. It's rapidly becoming clear that I've reached a point in my life where I can't really keep on being unemployed. Yet, with my reluctant nature, I've always kind of avoided those typical "fries with that?" jobs.

Then again, I don't really like the idea of being a working man, much less the concept of the process of becoming said working man. Still, it had to happen sooner or later, and I'd rather do something I like (bowling alley,) than something I don't (canvassing.)

I'm just going to have to let them down easy, since they really seemed hopeful.

In other news, production has been running along smoothly, and I've got a plan in place for tomorrow's shoot. That only leaves a few shoots left. I think it's going to turn out that the very last shoot involves the same two people as the first; Doug and Lauren. Hah, fancy that.

Everything seems to be coming together. Not just in the production, but in life. Apart from my moviemaking explots finally going as planned, and my own employment seemingly imminent,, Mom's got her boarder locked down, and I've got more confidence in my educational future than ever. At some points in the year, this blog I feel like a perennial loser, a virtual sad sack, but things look so good from here. I just need to keep my focus and I can actually accomplish something.

Just think, there have been times in the past month when I wondered why I was bothering at all and what was the point and now, now the stench of that decay in morale has been quite lifted, extinguished by my recent combination of good fortune and foresight.

All is well.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

PS: Last night was a gruelleing late-night shoot-session that saw us go way past darkness at the terminus, and at one point or another, actually utilizing Eric's wide angle and telephoto lenses. It was a test of endurance into the night (okay, it was over before 1 but still, last week's party was all but over by then,) but also a great time. Alyssa brought a terrific interpretation to Beth that I think will come across well in the completed version.

That is all. KOR-SAW

Dix: There's always money in the banana stand...

Well, Kris is gone. I know that because of the decreased frequency of my posts it doesn't seem like he was here that long, but it's Friday now and he got here Tuesday afternoon, so you tell me. We spent most of today watching the Fantastic Four cartoon on DVD.

Thinking of that, it's funny that my post frequency should go down so much in August. Maybe it's because that's the month when the banality of summer sets in and nothing interesting happens. I'll tell you, you wouldn't think it to look around since this place has been fairly busy. With Frank moving out, Mom scrambling to get a boarder, Eric being engaged in this 'get your life on track' scenario or whatever it is, and Brandon being out of work himself (his real, real last day of work was Wednesday... or maybe Tuesday I can't remember,) not to mention my own exploits in filmmaking, we've all got something going on recently. Yet I don't feel much like writing about it, simply because I'm not living my life 'day-to-day' these days.

I don't know what really to say. I don't want to say I'm happy, because I'm more 'optimistic,' but all the same cautiously so. I don't want to say I'm unhappy, because I'm not. I have certainly been getting it together this week and am fully prepared for next week's challenges. And as school lets back in, I'll be ready. As ready as I've ever been, I guess.

I did go to Milton, last night, on business, chauffeuring Neabel into Oakville for the evening. That was fun.

I've also been making all the necessary arrangements for school. Ecch.

Ah, well. You get the good, you get the bad. Fortunately, these days at least, I've actually been getting some good.

See ya round. Keep on rockin'
*The ever-lovin' blue-eyed Scotto

Neuf: Let me tell you what's wrong

While talking with dad today over dinner, I got to thinking about the trailer. A long time ago there was a huge group of us kids who hung out there. I reflected a bit on the history of that little clique (or cliques,) and, upon recalling the old days, the spats and romantic tristes, I realized that over the past 5 years or so very little has changed. Or at best, it changed a lot then somewhat reverted. The faces have changed; the song remains to same, as it were.

And that was a thought that was wholly depressing. More depressing than the prospect of facing an uncertain future of postsecondary education, or anything having to do with the movie. It was just the saddest thing I could think of, the notion that I have not advanced beyond where I was at the trailer prior to high school. That my life is that cyclical, and that this is seemingly inescapable. Ecch.

On the plus side, things do seem to be going well, all things considered. By now I just keep considering how much worse things could be. It's not a pleasant way to keep things in perspective, but it does the trick.

Kris is over this week. Funny how the summer more-or-less started with him down here, and now we're nearing the end and he's here again. Okay, that's not funny, and not even that accurate, but I needed something to muse about.

We got up this morning and headed out for comics. We were early, so we stopped for Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins. Fun.

The cable is fuckin' up. It keeps making the TV go black and white. Apparently it's an epidemic, because tons of people are calling Cogeco about it (reportedly... or maybe Brandon just didn't want to stay on the line.) That's just annoying me. Thinkin' of just going up to my room, turning on the Beatles, and actually reading.

Living in a self-imposed exile... hmp. I really have nobody to blame for my sense of loneliness but myself, but... here I am.

Maybe I'll get some writing done. Wouldn't that be delightful.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

Huit: The bliss is heavy on my lids

I got a haircut yesterday. I'm just now trying to shake off that new-haircut feeling. What's particularly odd is that Saskia takes money at the place where I get my hair cut, so I ran into her there. So that was odd. At least I got a lollipop outta the deal.

Busy, busy day today. Been taking care of business. Making schedules, arrangements, etc, etc. Finally managed to get back out to the terminus to shoot Doug and Ryan. Also nailed down that Ghost scene, although in it I perform, if not the weakest performance of the film, at least the squintiest. I'm starting to work through it all, diving back in. I don't wanna jinx it, knock wood and all, but it's really starting to heat up, and thnak God since it's August now and if it wasn't happening by now I'd be in shit.

But it's been terrifying. I'll admit that. I have nightmares in which it's fall (a horrifying reality soon,) and I wake up in the morning determined to bloody well get my shit done and by goodness it's been getting done. Maybe I'm just saying that because I had to skip dinner and was out in the heat all afternoon and so I feel like I accomplished more than I actually did, but quite a bit is done and I'm happy.

In any case, life is running smoothly for once. Here's to the future.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott

Sept: Lost in La Mancha

As I've often observed throughout the history of this blog, life is a fucked up place (or concept, or existence, or what-have-you.) This observation is one that rarely works out to my advantage, with last night more-or-less being an example.

First of all, the show last night was top-notch. I won't pretend there weren't some rough spots, such as Cary's mic being too low for several songs, but Beermouse has all the makings of a great band. They're all talented musicians with great presence onstage. Their originals, such as Rosie's on a Rampage and New Song are incredibly catchy, and their choice of covers was good, too; though on one hand you had Weezer, and on the other, Judas Priest and Twisted Sister. All in all, a **** show.

Afterward, though many of the old WOSS Crew went their seperate ways, a large number of us congregated over to Conorton's. It was nice to be in a social situation for one where it wasn't about the fuckin' movie (although I got a fair bit of questions/conversations about that.) Meanwhile, I ran into Jess and Angela and they were pretty well begging to get into this blog again. Why, I have no idea, but they were. So as the night went on and they kept badgering me, but to tell the truth nothing of note happened. Okay, that's inaccurate, since they did get two guys to kiss, but since neither was me, I guess the point is moot.

But there we go, there's the long-overdue reference to Jess and Angela in there.

The font on my computer screen is too wide at the left-hand and too narrow at the right. Except nobody else sees it but me. I feel like I'm the only sane person around. This is gonna bother me for a while.

Anyway, back to last night. I'll tell ya, I did get grilled. Things are a little messed up right now in a personal way, and it's a little difficult to explain. What it basically comes down to, I think, is that we are two people, neither of whom as any sense of how to behave in this situation, neither sure of his or her own actions.

(Postscript on the monitor story: I flipped the switch on it to turn it off, then turned it back on, and it was fixed. Hooray.)

We all basically just chilled for several hours, and a few people trickled out, like Chris Brown and Kyle, but it was pretty much a solid gathering (many people made many food runs throughout.) The drama kids in one room, Scott's other friends in another, until about 1 AM, when everyone decided to go en masse. At the end of the night I was left just hangin' out on the porch waiting for my ride after everyone had gone, making small talk with a friendly drunk friend of Scott's. Nice girl, who shared with me some wisdom, "no hot guys at this party." Nice girl, though.

I really want to get my shit together, but it's incredibly complicated. I really don't even know where to start.

After a brief period, I'm back down again.

I only spoke to her for like two minutes last night, before the show. Didn't even get to say goodbye. Then from what people have been telling me, it's not as cut and dried as I'd like.

Such a nebbish.

Well, you all keep on rockin' out there.
-Scotto

Six: I can't even feel the pain no more

Y'know, today's already been a weird day, and it's not even over with.

I woke up and explained to mom a few things I wanted done today, and she countered with a few things she wanted done. Today was the day, she explained, that we were to switch out Brandon's bed with mom's. As luck would have it - and I use that expression lightly since our family is running short on luck these days - the bed they wanted to replace Brandon's with did not fit down the stairs. So there I am, at the top of the basement stairs with a huge wooden bedframe resting on me, damn near getting full of splinters, awaitinf Frank to decided what he wants to do, and all the while I'm just thinking "Jeezes, didn't this joker measure to make sure he could fit this bedframe?" Nope. So mom had to run out and buy a new frame from Ikea (or as she pronounces it, "eye-KAY-ah.")

Meanwhile, Eric and I went out and saw Broken Flowers, starring Bill Murray, using the "Free Admission" coupons Aunt Lori bestowed upon us. It was an excellent film directed by Jim "Coffee and Cigarettes" Jarmusch, expect a review soon.

One thing I gotta bitch about, however, is the crowd. Specifically, a gaggle of old ladies sitting behind us. Well, they were not initally behind us, but let me explain. Due to the Ikea runaround, we were dropped off an hour early. After some wandering and a voracious bout of Air Hockey (Eric won with the peculiar score of 5-4,) we got our drinks and took our seats. Seeing an ad for "Famous" magazine, I went in search of the free publication. On my way out of the theatre, I saw a group of four elderly ladies walking in. Having already noticed that the sparsely-populated audience was already made up of older persons, I thought nothing of it. It wasn't until I re-entered the theatre that I noticed that that particular group of elderly ladies had managed to make their way up to the near-back-row Eric and I had been seated in. Not only that, but seated just to the left of where I'd been sitting.

Not only that, but as I was ascending the stairs, one of them had the gall to ask for the relocation of my drink, which was in the left-arm cupholder for my won convenience (I'm lefthanded to begin with, but I also don't like to lift the drink, instead, bringing my face closer to the straw. With my brother at my right, that'd be too weird.) Frustrated and a little offended, I directed Eric to move forward a row to escape the treacherous septegenarians. We watched and enjoyed the movie, but had to deal with those old crones snickering and commenting to each other; not to mention being offended at what little full frontal nudity was offered. It was even more insufferable than the old lady experience at Episode III.

Got home, washed dishes, had dinner, and am presently awaiting transportation (an hour from now) to the Beermouse show at Pic. Being the gracious type, I offered a few of my friends (Ryan, Becky, Douglas,) a ride upon learning they were stranded.

(ahem) Hope mom doesn't mind.

Anyway, that's today. It's been a neat day. Glad I can finally have a legitimately upbeat entry. For once, eh?

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto of Mantua

Cinq: Takin' Care of Business in a Flash

Life sucks. This is true. I am, however, taking several of the necessary measures to ensure less suckiness. I'm really starting to take control, and to, as Elvis said (and I have said in the title of this entry, not to mention BTO,) take care of business.

Today was a nice day. I was awakened by the cat's meowing and went down nice and early to the lake. On a nice summer day one can gain a lot of perspective sitting at a lighthouse, looking out to the seemingly infinite horizon.

I've been making plans. Big plans. Not spur-of-the-moment-panic plans, either, but seriously-considered plans that are extensive and well-prepared. I hope.

Mom has some person, a female, in mind for the vacant room. Well, good on her. Honestly, that would be less awkward than living with a male boarder. I'll say this quite freely, since I know it would be awkward for the right reason. If it's a guy, we're expected to at least be friendly and sociable. If it's a girl, we're allowed to be uncomfortable. That's the socially accepted norm.

Life's not exciting, but the only excitement I get these days comes when I'm stressed out. Still, there are a number of things in the near future that oughtta work out for the best.

I'm feeling well, however. I feel good. For the moment, nothing's wrong, and I'm stepping in the right direction.

Haha. At the moment.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

EDIT: This was "Scott Williams Presents" (formerly "Scott Williams Destroys the Universe") post #300. Whoo-hoo. 300 posts of nothing interesting in particular. Here's to several hundred more.

Quatre: This world of ours at night.

My oh my how this week is going by.

Not that anything too interesting has happened recently, though. Today, I went over to Kyle's for editing, got that taken care of. Listened to all the random music on his computer to a) remark as to its usefulness to my movie, and b) mock some of the more esoteric stuff. Hitched a ride home with Josh when the rain set in. Yesterday, I bummed around, did some work, went with Eric over to Blockbuster after about 9, just to look, and almost with a directive not to get anything. We just needed to get out of the house.

I'll tell you quite frankly that I don't know what I'm doing these days. I try to go about my business, not to let myself be encumbered by the hilarious twists of fate I encounter. I've still got some serious college busines sweighing on my mind, although it's not urgent (it will be eventually, but not at the moment.)

The things that should be important don't seem it. The things that seem important are trivial. Yep, I'm a teenager.

My dad got a new car today. A smoke grey 2005 Nissan Altima. It was so expensive he's had to give up smoking to afford it. Now my whole perception of my father has just flip-flopped, because all my life (well, for years,) he's been a smoker with a crummy car. Now he's quit smoking and he's got a pretty awesome car. He's still the same person, he's just made a few cosmetic changes to his environment/habits. He's obviously improved his place in life, and it's just astounding. I mean, I've never liked him smoking, I'm vehemently anti-smoking, but I never figured he'd be able to quit again.

See, years ago, he used this crazy push-button device to manage his cravings and ultimately help him quit. It was even successful for 3 years. Then apparently he took a business trip to Vancouver, got bored, and started again. Now that the prices of cigarettes have skyrocketed, he can't afford not to quit. He's on the Nicoderm Patch.

Anyway, that's today. And some of yesterday. Tomorrow is comics. Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

Trois: In my travels

A short entry tonight. It's been a weird day. Literally one of those "up at the crack of dawn" days where something disturbs my slumber and it won't let go no matter how vigorously I try to rest. It was like 5:30 when some shifting and stirring woke me up and by 6:15 or so, tired of tossing and turning, I grumbled "fuck it," got dressed and schlepped my way downstairs.

Well, as is customary in these scenarios, when I'm up early I get out of the house. I just think it's neat to walk around while the sun's still coming up. I think that even though I had developed a taste for coffee a while back it's now more like a mere tolerance. I can drink it, I can stand it, but even Tim Horton's doesn't satisfy (and in all my travels, that's been the best place for coffee.) It's far from my favourite beverage and when you sleep as little as I did last night, on an empty stomach all it does is create light nausea.

Well after milling about the house for a bit, I had an errand to run - trek all the way uptown to Alyssa's place to return a book ("The Beat Generation") I hadn't realized I held onto long after our Beat presentation. So I dropped that off with her mom. I clocked my round trip in at 2 hours, although I made a wide detour through the old neighbourhood for nostolgia's sake, so it could actually have been less.

Speaking of Alyssa, last night while she was explaining what happened to Saturday night*, we discovered a mutual interest in the "universal language," Esperanto. She inspired me to take a free lesson in it, by linking the free lesson and saying "I'm gonna do this." (After some trepidation, I looked in and thought what's the harm?) I like the idea of being bilingual, but haven't got the patience for French or Spanish. So far I'm getting ahold of it pretty well (my experience in French and at the tutelage of Guthrie probably help this.) This is my new side-hobby, y'knopw, aside from comics, movies, reviewing, writing, webmastering and trying to get set up for college. I've got way too much to do with whatever free time I have. At least it keeps me focused.

Did nothing all day. Meant to work on Sewerman but wrote something instead. Watched Arrested Development on DVD, which Eric just got back yesterday. At some point I hurt my left arm, which is still tired and sore (perhaps from playing darts.) Hoping I can sleep it off.

So that's the entry for today. Time to get some shuteye.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

*See Meatloaf, on the soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show

Deux: What I've Tasted of Desire

I need a haircut. I have an ingrown toenail I need looked at and an allergy appointment, the date of which they won't say. My family is in dire financial straits and the pressure is on to perform this fall at school and occupationally. I have a number of outside projects that aren't getting done for a variety of reasons.

I have few small pleasures in my life. An ice cold Coca-Cola. A Charlie Kaufman movie. Probably some other things I'm not recalling.

I haven't posted much this month. The month has been by-and-large uneventful. By that I mean, nothing has happened that's worth talking about. But last night, I was trying to get a shoot together, and things went wrong. Not as wrong as Melissa Neabel getting into a car accident, but sufficiently wrong nonetheless. So to try and salvage the night, I took Ryan Wheeler bowling. And since it was Saturday Night, we got the whole seizure-inducing Rock n Rowl experience. And now they've got new monitors that, during these sessions, play music videos. Now somewhere, between frames, and while watching the video for Atomic Kitten's version of "Ladies' Night," I thought about how ridiculous my life has gotten. I think somewhere along the way I lost my vision, my perspective on things. I've been so mired in whining about the little setbacks (as not-so-little as they actually may be,) that I can't enjoy things I should be able to.

Life is probably too complicated. I don't think it needs to be this way at all and as miserable as I may be, I don't think there's much that can be done, so why should I worry myself too much? I just don't want my friends, people I care about, to worry too much either. There's nothing wrong been done here, and we're all just people trying float along on the same insane liferaft.

Mom had somebody over to look at the spare room today. He didn't appear interested, according to her account of it. After going over to Dad's to feed the cat, Eric and I tried crossing the 16 Mile Creek, had a bit of a Tom Saywer moment there.

Anyway, those have been my thoughts for tonight. Hope someone out there was able to do something with them.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott

Un: It can't rain all of the time.

Sometimes I feel like a total putz.

In spite of this, I feel good today. I have absolutely no reason to, but I'm at least at peace, balanced. I was a bit of a lunatic on Monday and I wasn't having a great day yesterday, but today I seem to have reached that good place, and I treasure that.

It was fairly simple. I got up earlier than usual, went out, and bought some comics. It was a nice day, I had a good Iced Cap (ie no leftovers when all the liquid had been drained.) I didn't have to spend too much and I caught the bus in good time. There were some pretty people on the bus. I've been having a decent day. It's a day during which things can go wrong and have no effect. Like, we experimented with a little crab for dinner tonight, but had trouble with the shells. Despite that, I'm in a fairly good mood. And despite having to rearrange all my plans to try and get this movie done, when in truth it seems utterly impossible to really do, I'm still perfectly fine.

Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind today. Terrific film (as all of Kaufman's are.) Also read the new Y: The Last Man, which was an incredible issue (nothing out of the ordinary there.) It was such a nice day that I literally felt like singing while I was on the bus. Oh, don't worry, it was after literally everybody else got off at the mall, and I was at the back so the driver couldn't hear me over the droning of the engine. Besides, it was a really nice Beatles song. One of the songs I once sang with Emma on the New York subway. God my nostalgia for May 4-8 2005 is intense.

I remember a few years ago, when I was in Grade 10, there was this girl, Gabriella (Gabby) Cortez. I have no idea how it is we initially met, but we used to see each other in the hallways a lot and talk. She was in Grade 12 or 13 at the time. She played a role and I believe had a solo in Melymick's Everyman. Our friendship was weird, because we had no reason to be friends, we just talked occasionally (I didn't even learn her name for a while.) After she graduated, I saw her again, once, on the 27 bus, White Oaks and we spoke. She had done a lot of travelling (she'd been to South America I think,) and even almost married. This story has virtually no ending, except to note that life is weird. You meet weird people, at the weirdest times and places, and see them again as serendipity wills you. Doubt I'll ever see her again, though she may still live in the area. She was a good soul, though.

I said earlier that I had to rearrange all my plans for Saturday for the sake of shooting. See, I'd made arrangements with a certain somebody to see a movie (or do something in that vein.) Then the shooting came up and I was fretting. Then I spoke to "certain somebody" and she told me that she had a soccer tournament. And when I mentioned that I had to shoot anyway, we both laughed, and felt much better.

Like I said, life is weird. When you think everything's fucked up, you sometimes get a weird little cookie like that. Not exactly a blessing, but just something to ease the burden of a life that often gets too heavy to lift; to mix a metaphor.

I'm really happy right now, and I've never seen the positive connotation of this post's title more clearly. Indeed, it can't.

Keep on rockin'
-Master Scotto