003: Be No One

It's Friday. I haven't blogged here in a week. I've already mentioned that I simply don't feel as compelled to jot down every aspect of my life here the way I've used to. So many other sites have encroached on that territory. Site where I know who will be reading it -- Twitter, Tumblr... hell, I don't even go into tangents about music as much as I used to because I've got a music blog for that. Everything's going okay, except when it's not.

Ah, the thick of winter. It's hard not to feel trapped in yourself, trapped in your head, trapped in your house, trapped in your life. This is the last winter I will spend in school, at least I assume. Deity willing, it was the last Christmas I'll spend at HMV. I "see myself" as leaving sometime over the summer, but that's entirely dependent on what opportunities open up for me. If any. IF any! Of course, unlike my graduation for Sheridan, I at least think to myself, "I'm ready for the real world." There's a good chance I'm not as ready as I think I am, but I (think I) know I'm ready to leave school. I just needed to gestate longer.

I met up with my aunt Lori for coffee on Wednesday. We've been trying to do this, or saying we should, since she started taking a class at U of T. I finally bit the bullet and told her we could show up early for our classes and hang out for an hour. Actually due to train times I was a half hour early for our meeting, but anyway. We talked music, school, life, and family. It was good. We'll probably do it again before the semester's over.

Last weekend, I had a weird moment. Dad had offered tickets to see The Green Hornet, either on Saturday or Sunday. I was hoping to either hang out with Amanda or work Saturday (neither ended up happening) so I asked for one for Sunday and he said sure, if you need a ride, I'll give you one (as he and Deb were going on the Saturday.) Since after Christmas I no longer work Sundays (sigh) I took it. So I got up nice and early on Sunday, and waited until 10:20 (the movie was to start at 10:30) before noticing he was probably not on his way. So I called him and, realizing exactly why I was calling he said "I forgot." They'd been out at their friends' he night before and got in late.

Well, that sucked. I mean, I wasn't particularly excited about seeing the movie, but I had gotten up early for it and had nothing else to do all day. I told him it was all right though, and hung up. A few minutes later, he called back and insisted I get ready, he'd be over in 2 minutes.

It took a bit longer, but still surprisingly fast. I told him I'd text him if I couldn't get into the movie, but they let me in.

The movie wasn't that great, but hey, I saw it for free. Even though I missed everything up to the death of the father, I still felt like I could write a competent review, since there was plenty to remark on (specifically: the 3-D is trash, but if you care about movies you already know.)

It reminds me of how on New Year's Eve, Andy Palmer came into the store. And I was all happy to see him, because hey, familiar face. But after talking with him for about 5 minutes I remembered exactly why I didn't like working with him. Nice to get those nostalgia goggles off for a minute. It wasn't even that he was especially obnoxious, and in fact he said some really interesting (if condescending -- I know what Chroma Key is) things about his job working on the show "Falling Skies," which is like "The Walking Dead" with aliens. He's just kinda dickish about the way he presents himself. Also, he noticed a copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged on the booktable and said "Oh cool!" Nobody who's not a dick thinks Ayn Rand is cool. Maybe Neil Peart.

Anyway, it reminds me of that because he was such a proponent of 3-D, and the conversations we had about it were indicative of how we have such different perspectives on film and how, if he's successful at all, it will probably be at the cost of never making anything actually worthwhile.

In any case, as much as I'd love to keep exploring the nothing out here, I've not got a lot extra to say these days, so keep on rockin'
-Scott

002: In Transformation

It's been a weird week. I survived another extended visit from Eric over the winter break and since the weekend I've been trying to transition back to the old routine. I like it this way and don't want it to change, but inevitably it will. This is why I keep telling myself that I have to move away. Leave the nest.

The first week back at school was mostly positive, although I did learn that I forgot to apply for graduation in the spring. My fault. On Tuesday, I dressed in a shirt and tie for Grad photos. And since I was already all dressed up, I stayed that way all day. The girls in Anthro seemed to think I looked handsome. I could get used to that. Of course, to them I'm suddenly a haircut and clean shaven as well. What a difference.

I haven't slept well lately. For some reason, Community isn't as good for falling-asleep-to as other DVDs, perhaps because I feel the urge to really listen. Arrested Development is similar, but it was working well. Maybe there are more jokes in Community I haven't heard yet. It'll only be my third time watching each episode. I find myself waking up randomly in the middle of the night to the hum of the DVD player (the TV having turned itself off as I set it to do) and unable to get back to sleep. Sometimes it's because I had a dream that as deeply unnerving. Like last night, I dreamed I had this woman waiting for me in my room. And all I wanted to do was get to her but my family showed up and kept me apart from her. And I think part of that is me thinking, earlier that evening, about how I never did move out because my parents did a really good job of saying "Gee, Scott, are you SURE you wanna do that?" and now when I mention that to them they deny they did that. And of course, the reason I need the TV on is because my mind tends to wander, get pessimistic, freak out, etc etc, in the dark of night.

Karen took me aside today to basically give me a... lecture? Pep talk? It was about seeming mopey or pissy at work, albeit not in those words. There are a lot of reasons why I've been on edge for the last month, some of which are completely unrelated to the store. I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate to Karen the nature of the angst I've had lately (justified or not,) but I think she suspects it's about her. I wouldn't say it is. It's more about how I feel I come across. It's all self-obsession with me.

But really, it's just overkill. Ghosts appear and fade away...

Keep on rockin
-Scotto

001: Restart my story

It seems clear to me I'm no longer as into cataloging my every movement and thought. I twitter, but mostly to share random observations and ideas than to talk about my own life. My own life is so uninteresting I find myself drifting off into my own subconscious more and more often, although that helps with creative output. I'm writing.

It was a long comedown from Christmas, but things had really settled at the store by New Year's. So much so that I was asked to leave early because it was so dead (naturally, it got a fair bit busier by the time I left.) Andy dropped by,. which was a nice surprise, although by the time he left I remembered what irritated me about him back in the day. It'll be a while before I think to myself "Man I miss working with that guy."

Individual moments happen. People take issue with our returns police (you need a -- gasp -- receipt!) December 29, I went over to the Fergs' to play Risk with them and Pat. We watched Chris and Pat's Eurodoc and then some Modern Family (good but not the work of brilliance some seem to think. Tons of broad appeal, though.) The next night I was back over there. We were supposed to go bowling, but it became makeshift Wii bowling/drinking night and then finally drinking and watching Chris play Donkey Kong.

A few others were over, including Vanessa, who didn't care for the watch-video-games-get-played strategy and harangued three others into a game of Euchre. CB, who knew how to play years ago but forgot, was shunned from in in favour of Laura Gurnham, who had to be taught. While the rest of us watched Donkey Kong and then Community, I overheard their lesson and concluded that if I were trying to learn I would fail. I was glad not to be offered, or at least that's what I tell myself.

I stumbled home way later than I'd intended, then went to work. That was the day I thankfully went home early. It's been quiet ever since and I'm not back at school yet.

The other thing is that I started a music blog, to get some of my thoughts on music out of my head and focus them in noe spot. It's also to encourage me to buy more music, which considering I work at a CD store, I ought to do more of. I've considered branching out, blogwise, for a while. Now that I'm not longer so centralized here at SWP, it seemed right. I already started with the Tumblr (where I don't post much but watch as others post random stuff and writing) and I've got Twitter where I ramble nonsensically and participate in memes. I've been finding myself less engaged with my Movie & TV Reviews over at CXPulp, so hopefully this will be something I can chew on, at least for a while.

Anyway. New Year's was chill. Eric and I just hung out, watched movies (Get Him To The Greek, Slammin' Salmon, and 500 Days of Summer, as well as half a season of the Tick) drank, and ate shrimp. I'm getting old and/or regressing. I miss those free days of just being out of high school.

The cat is being more of a dick to the dog, the dog's just taking it.

It finally snowed seriously. The other night, Andrea put Joel Plaskett's Ashtray Rock on the CD player at work. These moments are my life.

Little moments.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto