Y: Self-Inflicted

Well, there it goes.

Our time at the trailer passed predictably, too cold to do much of anything, certainly much that could be considered "summer fun." It barely eked into the high teens for the rest of our stay, feeling more like a warm October than August, but the truth the trailer is always a few degrees cooler than home anyway, which is why you've got to go in the middle of blazing July heat (which we didn't have much of this year anyway because of rain) and not late August cooldown.

Much of our time was spent walking Hank around, investigating the swimming hole and getting the Bark Park to ourselves. We did convince ourselves to get in the pool on Monday and the water was fine, quite nice actually, but getting out was a shock to the system. We thought about maybe doing some art projects so I went into town to get some supplies at the Loony Toony, but mainly we just doodled on a sketchpad rather than commit anything to canvas. We played Farkle and had a Yahtzee tournament, I won two out of three. Hank particularly liked the futon in the sunroom but did join us in the trailer by the end of the trip. We watched two Top Guns and a Die Hard, and half of The Secret To My Success, the least-objectionable DVD found kicking around. Mel wrapped herself in blankets as the sun went down. We hazarded a fire, which wasn't half-bad, but minding Hank, who didn't want to settle and didn't want to be left in the trailer either, was tough, and our attempt at a viral smores hack with waffle cones instead of graham crackers was a bust. In the end, it just couldn't help but be disappointing.

On our last day, as we were heading back from the Bark Park, Mel suggested we take Aunt Lori's kayak out for a spin. Once I cleared out all the dead crayfish, she was seaworthy, but again we were having some trouble wrangling Hankey, and as I looked around for where I could tie him up, I heard a splash. Mel had tried to climb into the boat and slipped. She ended up bruising herself pretty badly and wounding her pride. And I thought she was the sensible one!

It put a damper on the end of what was already a pretty damp trip. I rinsed her clothes off in the bathroom sink and ran them through the public dryer and we power-cleaned and left. We were in such a hurry that I forgot to turn the gas and water off -- which does not appear to be a problem as Ross is going up on Friday, but privately I also have doubts as to whether the toiler was flushed? Well, anyway. We were in a hurry to just put it all behind us.

On the way home, we listened to a playlist I had that I called "She's So High" which is basically just songs building out from, you guessed it, "She's so High." Mel reflected on the meaning of nostalgia and shared some not-so-fond memories of her feelings about herself growing up. I reciprocated.

Naturally, being at the trailer always brings out my reflective side. I was visited on the one night by a vivid dream of a girl I had a mutual-kinda-liking-each-other-thing with, which never went further than, well, how far it did in high school. I'm a little embarrassed to say I looked her up recently, and I'm more embarrassed to say I was excited by the fact that her office is not far from mine, but the thoughts extended to about, she's done some pretty impressive stuff with her life, and I've only done this, whatever it is. Now, I shouldn't feel bad about what I've got or what I've done, but I can't deny there are things I would change if I felt it was possible to do so safely. Anyway, in this dream she had come to ply her services at my work, and it was an interesting reunion but, I assure you, not a sexually or romantically charged one. I never tell Mel about dreams like this because although she often tells me about similarly-themed dreams she has, I don't think she wants to hear about it. (She doesn't even want to hear about them from herself, and when she tells me them, it is usually in the form of being distraught over it.)

We got home in the expected time and eased in with our traditional pizza and that night's Masterchef. Today we just chilled and watched RuPaul All Stars until it was time for her to got to the baseball game she had gotten a ticket to from her work. That commitment was the main reason we couldn't shift our visit from Sat-Wed to Sun-Thurs.

On the topic of hurting oneself -- doubling back a bit -- I forgot to tell you about that. On Friday, flustered and trying to stitch things up at work before vacation, Mel called down to ask me to bring her some tums. I reached into the cabinet and grabbed the bottle by the top, which had not been properly fastened, causing the bottle to drop. I instinctively flinched to bend down and get it, when my eye caught on the open cabinet. The shock caused me to tumble to the floor and when I got up there was a trickle of blood down alongside my eye, but other than stinging ever since, it hasn't really been a problem. Probably won't hardly leave a mark but wow it could have been bad. That's pretty much how I got stitches the first time.

I've done a lot of writing this evening and I have more that I'd like to do tomorrow and through the weekend. I had boy dinner of leftover kabob and fries and watered the plants, finally using some of the water out of my makeshift rain barrel. I have to say, the sad state of the garden really pisses me off because it's emblematic of what's been taken from me, how I don't even feel I have time to fucking water the plants anymore, when it used to just be a matter of looking out my window midway through some bullshit task and taking five minutes to do so. And don't give me that "You can just do it when you get home," there's always things to do when I get home, they can't all be done. Time has been stolen from me, money has been stolen from me, flexibility has been stolen from me. I will never not be angry about it until years down the line when I have long since left this position.

Oof, sad note to leave off on, but what else was it going to be?

I'm hoping I get a little more unwinding time this weekend. The real vacation begins.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

X: Recognition

It is a dog day afternoon. Yes literally it is the midst of the dog days of summer, and I am hanging out with Hank doing nothing in particular. It is time for our annual stay at the trailer. As always it was proceeded by more than a small amount of ado.

To start with, this is yet another year where the week we get to come up just happens to be the chilly, rainy one. It's annoying never to be able to come during the height of July heat, but I suppose that is the trade off for a free vacation spot. The drama this time waa that on Saturday when we were preparing to come up, there were tornado and storm warning on the route and it just felt inappropriate to rush out of what was a perfectly nice day in Burlington to go somewhere rainy, cold, and possibly dangerous.

I wasn't beaten up about it myself. I had wanted to go up Monday and thus spend the weekend decompressing and getting the house in good shape but mom offered that the trailer would be vacant all weekend until the following Thursday, so we adjusted to take advantage. And in the meanwhile, Mel agreed to go to a Jays game with her work people.

The weather had stunted our plans and Mel was really let down so we chilled at home for a while. I was looking at the weather report and decided we could make a calculated risk and go, which delighted her. For me, going to the trailer isn't always worth the hassle -- it's a lit of prep and labor to do stuff you could do at home, but with worse supplies and no internet (coverage is better this year, mind you, perhaps because we are on Fido.) But Mel really likes it and I do find it peaceful. Not necessarily a good night's sleep, but still.

It took the whole afternoon to put everything together, but all things considered we packed it up quick. We were on the road around 7, which was maybe an hour or 90 minutes later than my initial hopes but the delays, partially to get some lunch in before we went, were necessary.

Things went ok on the drive, although I made a wrong turn that was eventually rectified and didn't really cost us much time. But by the time we hit Fergus the expected rain appeared and OH BOY was that intense. We crawled through the puddles to the grocery in town -- although Mel had some unkind words about some of my technique as she never likes it when I get too close to a car parked on the side of the road -- and waited it out in the parking lot. It wasn't too bad; we figured we could wait until 9 or so and see how bad it was but it started to clear around 8:45 and we were back on the road with the sunset before us. We got to the park around 9:30, walked Hank and settled in with some Tuna Helper for late dinner and the first half of Top Gun Maverick.

Today I had to make a trip into town early for some essentials I/we had forgotten, including BACON, and coffee. We had also used the last of the milk and will have to replace their margarine. We had a nice brunch but Mel started not feeling well so she went to lie down. It's been raining off and on so who knows if we would have been able to go to the pool, but I have a feeling we are going to gut out some swim time on the next few cool days because NOTHING gets between Mel and pool time.

Other than that, work is admittedly driving me nuts. I've been leading this Fanexpo project which has been a lot of co-ordinating, which admittedly I am more than capable of doing, but I feel like I have half of what I need and the other half is divided between various parties who don't share well. Being that I am on vacation this week I had to pass the remainder off to James anyway so it's his time to shine. By the time I am back it will all be over but the cleanup. Not my prob. I think I did well under the circumstances.

I still have fantasies of what else I can do but it's like banging my head against a wall. Who the eff knows what I am even supposed to do in life.

Well, I do, but it's hard to get to that.

That about covers it. I was hoping to do some writing but I smartly brought the computer that doesn't even have Office 365 on it. At least we've got books.

Keep on rockin'

Scotto

W: Source of Darkness

I think we've been doing our best to enjoy the dog days of summer, in that nothing is directly making them bad. Well, there is work, which is painful in different ways for both of us. Mel is being overextended -- as per always -- and I am whiling away my time in commute, tired and ill-rested. I was talking to the ladies at the coffee shop the other day, and one said "Well hey, the week's almost over" and I noted that I did not want to be in a place in my life where I am wishing away the time. The other one noted that she had left her job at the tech company we share a building with to go work at Jimmy's. I'm quite envious of someone who is able to make a leap like that.

When we last left off in mid-July, the rain was starting. We actually got the worst of it the next day. Had I been smart and not a tool, I would have stayed home due to the inclement weather, but it wasn't bad when I set out and so I went. It poured heavily throughout the day, clearing up in the afternoon, but the damage was done. There were train delays, but I ended up meeting up with my aunts for an impromptu beer and some wings, although I was feeling too socially anxious and tired to eat. It was actually quite a nice little side-trip and I wish I had been able to be better company, and hadn't been so concerned about letting Mel down by not coming home in good time. In Burlington there was flooding, but our house remained dry. I had had the foresight to put the garbage can under the overflowing gutter to catch the rainwater and I am convinced this stopped anything bad from happening to our basement.

We've been around. We took Hank to Nonna's for her birthday a few weeks ago. Last weekend we had been hoping to go to the movies to see Deadpool and Wolverine, but Mel had to work a whole bunch. We did end up finding time to go to the beach, though (Hank stayed home.) It was a little miserable getting out there, very stressful to find parking, but once we got to the water it was blissful. We got there around 3 or 4 and stayed until dinner, which we picked up from Boston Pizza.

We were good this week and made lots of our own meals and lunches. Gotta celebrate that.

Otherwise, time is understandably a blur. I have some negative feelings about the current status quo that should come as no surprise to anyone. I'm still trying to find my way through, but isn't that the story of the last 20 years?

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto