KK: Subsequent

So this was Christmas.

It was actually about as good as it gets and I was/am happy about it. I left off with us about to go to my mom's for Christmas-ish dinner, seeing the aunts and cousins and having lasagna. It was a nice night, very festive, lots of discussion in the round. We brought Hank. At one point I thought I had left his bandana at home and raced back to get it only to find that nope, it was where it should have been, packed with his stuff. Funny and very in-character. We laid out his crate pillow for him to have a spot and he stayed put mostly all night. The aunts had to leave somewhat abruptly so we didn't end up taking the picture that had been discussed.

Monday, which feels like a hundred days ago by now, Mel and I both had to work. There was a lot of pressure on the team since it had been a very busy weekend and I played along as if there was anything that could be done. Tuesday I logged on to check replen and earn my lieu-halfday. Then we wrapped gifts, actually getting everything taken care of during the day instead of after midnight. I said "for once" but apparently we did that a few years ago too, per this blog.

That night we went to dad's for the traditional Chinese. This was his year to host us on Christmas Eve as we've been alternating between this and Mel's parents. I'm not sure what we will do next year though, since we enjoyed not doing anything on Christmas day. It ended up feeling like a pretty long night, and we were able to keep away from controversial topics this year, although there was some discussion of some stuff that had come up at mom's, which led dad to reflect on her relationship with his mom, which... was not really territory I wanted to go to. In general I don't like to hear my parents reflect on their time together. The thing from both was that Eric was pretty burnt out, although he didn't work Christmas eve, but he ended up checking out from time to time to watch wrestling interviews on his phone (?)

It was all well and good and we were feeling good but when we got home Mel and I got into a bit of static when I was trying to take a video of Hank and I admonished her not to crosstalk too much and she was upset because it felt like I was scolding her like a child. I can't really say much in my own defense, that certainly wasn't my intention but if that was how she felt I can't blame her. I tried to get it resolved but it made me feel weird as we tucked in for our Christmas sleep and into the morning, which I spent tidying and feeling inadequate.

I needn't have worried. She was ready for a happy day, and we had one, giving Hank his gifts and then each other. I was worried I hadn't gotten her enough but of course it was fine. The funny thing was that Santa got us two blenders. I had a feeling. I said I'd return mine and I was worried I had lost the receipt but like a smart person I actually put it in my wallet.

Other gifts I received included a mystery trip we'll take sometime in the spring, and a "smart belt," which seems cool (it's not bluetooth enabled or anything, it just fits well and doesn't have holes that get stretched out.) Mel, meanwhile, liked the craft card I got her, and the necklace, although I had neglected to get it inscribed. Hopefully we can fix that. I also got her bibs, because we eat every meal on the couch and it does get messy. That was a big hit.

There was a lot of love to go around. After having a call with Zia Carmelina and taking Hank out -- it was a white Christmas after all, as more or less predicted -- I made dinner, another big hit. We had designed our meal after an episode of Beat Bobby Flay Holiday Throwdown we had caught where he teamed up with Jet Tila to make lamb, brussel sprouts and au gratin potatoes. I had gotten most of the components the week before, but had waited until Monday evening to get the sprouts, along with a bunch of other stuff to keep us going through the holidays, as well as a ham as my backup in case the lamb didn't work. For what it's worth, that would have been a nightmare because I would then have had to cook the ham -- which is small but takes 45 minutes in the oven.

Luckily, everything worked out, more or less. I was worried because the potato recipe called for them to be in the oven for 90 minutes at 425, but I didn't have that kind of time and I needed it to be at 375 for the yorkshires I was making. So I blanched the potatoes and put them in for ~45 minutes at 375 with the yorkies -- which were the only miss because they came out dense. Not sure why, I've made them before and they're usually good but my theories are: 

* Didn't let the ingredients sit to room temp

* Didn't let the batter sit

* Used avocado oil in the pans instead of butter

* Had them in the oven with the potatoes

Okay, well, it happens. A minor miss. The potatoes were a smash (more or less my mac n' cheese recipe) the sprouts came out good, and the lam was cooked very well, if slightly under in places. We served with the chimichurri we picked up at the market on Halloween.

So it was great. No complaints at all, other than the slight miss of the yorkies. She helped clear the table so that Hankey didn't get up to eat our scraps. Then we settled in to watch Red One, which... eh. We debated if we were up for another movie but just decided to call it a night. 

Boxing day, we bunkered down too, folding laundry and assembling the craft cart, once it was clear that we weren't going to see Mel's parents, who were busy. We had a breakfast of bagels and lox that I picked up on Monday, since we like the Bagel Barn version so much but it's too damn expensive to justify. Then we ordered Turtle Jack's for dinner since I had told her the night before that I wouldn't be cooking on Boxing day because of the immense effort and alos the quantity of dirty dishes. We watched Dear Santa with Jack Black, which was... another eh, and then Family Man. Mel expressed some sadness that Christmas was over, but she said it was normal to be sad, which is true of course.

Mel has been back to work today, which she is now regretting, and I've kind of been doing whatever although I haven't gotten as much of my preferred whatever as I would have hoped, there's still the whole weekend and three more days after.

This is not so bad and I really am feeling revitalized. Tomorrow we'll be seeing people.

Maybe this isn't my last post of the year but if it is, I'm at least ending this fraught and frazzled year on a good note. We had a plan and not only did it work, it worked well, and we're happy for the moment.

Keep on rockin'

Scotto

JJ: Impromptu

It's been a busy few weeks, a very full holiday season, and it feels like we never quite managed to get all our ducks in a row. Yes, the tree is up and and the shelf is decorated and all of these things, but the bins are still hanging around the living room and everything just feels half-done, and we don't really have a reason for it other than "Scott is at the office three days a week so almost nothing gets done." Does that put a damper on the holiday season?

It has been a busy few weeks. I know I started the previous paragraph with that statement but I feel like I got off track, so let's re-center. I feel it has been busy because the content of the previous post feels like it was forever ago but only about 2-3 weeks, but I can't remember what made it so busy other than trying to live life. The snow we got earlier in the month melted, and then this past Friday it snowed again so it will either be a White Christmas (a rarity these days) or a slushy one. 

This particular week was exhausting for a very particular reason. Well obviously the reason is "Going into the office is exhausting" in general but it's been worse this week because a garbage truck hit some streetcar lines at King and Spadina and knocked out the line for pretty much the entire stretch I use to get to work. So on Tuesday when this happened, I took the detour bus one or two stops then walked the rest of the way down King to see the damage. Then Thursday I walked again. And this is walking both ways, mind you, which left me even more tired than usual when I got home. Friday morning I took the bus, and some business Bro got on after me and started getting mystified when the bus turned down John onto Richmond, giving exaggerated looking around "Wha? Huh? Wha?" -- like bro, the street is closed, get it? King Street is inoperable because of the work they are doing to fix that thing. "Where are we going?" he asked. I said, "It's gonna turn down Richmond, then go to Portland and turn back toward King" -- I assumed, having seen a bus at King and Portland the previous day, but then added, "Maybe Bathurst." "Pfft," he blew an irritated burst, "I just lost ten minutes." Well, who fucking cares? "Blame the garbage truck," I says.

That day the other IAs, plus our new AA, got lunch together at the Well, which was nice, a little shooting the shit. We don't quite have as much team spirit as we did when, say, Rebecca was on the team because she was a real social butterfly, but we've got something.

Friday I finally got my Christmas shopping stitched up. I had gotten gifts for Mel but was struggling to find time to get my secret santa gift for Nonna, which was basically suggested to be a sweater. I was running around the Burlington Centre trying to figure out where I could get a comfy, age-appropriate sweater -- Northern Getaway (or was it Reflections?) was a little tacky and didn't have the size. The bay was too pricey and random. On Mel's tip from earlier, although she herself expressed skepticism on it, I went to Reitman's. They had some stuff on the back corner sale wall (about which I knew from hourlong shopping jags with Mel there -- she doesn't love to shop but when she shops she SHOPS) that seemed appropriate and well-priced, and I was assured by the clerk that it was returnable within 30 days. Mel signed off on it too, so all was well. I also got books for Dad and Deb and gift cards for the cousins.

Yesterday, we went to see Sherlie and Unc at the hospital. The twins had been born in the early morning hours of Friday -- a little bit in advance because they were scheduled for the afternoon. We had tried to see if we could co-ordinate with Ma and Pa H but they were going early, and after some hemming and hawing we faced the reality that getting to Oakville for 10 AM on a Saturday wasn't in the cards. After a quick breakfast we got the 1:30 express train in and took the subway to Queen's Park, stopped off at Tim Hortons so that we could bring some muffins and not arrive empty-handed, and proceeded to Mt. Sinai Hospital which we were unaware meant we had to go around the building to the far side to the entrance that was open, in the biting cold, which left me a little grouchy for a few minutes. Then we got on the wrong elevator, actually the wrong wrong elevator as it was the Sabbath Elevator that goes to every floor so that observant Jews did not have to push any buttons on the Sabbath, which of course it was. Now we know. Eventually we found the right elevator that would give us access to the Mother and Baby ward, and we met little Noah and Sophia. We held them, Mel even changed Noah and fed Sophia, and we stayed a while and talked all sorts of things, not just baby-related, ordering pizza before leaving to catch the 8:44 train home. It was honestly a really good day and I'm glad we were able to do it.

Now it's bitingly cold which means we have to limit Hank's outside time. We thought we could get away with not going for a walk last night but he couldn't hold it and peed in the bedroom, a first for him. Okay, okay, I get it, but I still skipped the morning walk. It's supposed to warm up this afternoon, and then we're going to mom's for dinner.

And that'll be it.

All in all I'm in good spirits, probably because we finally enacted our long-hoped "boundaries" Christmas where we just spend the day by ourselves and we have that to look forward to.

We both have to work tomorrow and I'm going to log on for a few minutes on Christmas Eve in exchange for a lieu-halfday. Mel only has the standard days off so she'll be back to it Friday, Monday and Tuesday, but it should be pretty calm for her and we'll probably spend a large portion of the day watching Judge Judy together -- well, that's what we do every day I'm home anyway.

Such is such.

I have further reflections, but this has been a reasonably full post and hopefully I can keep them in mind for next time.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

II: You're not real anymore

Woof, I say. Woof.

It's been a couple of weeks, some of which have been emotionally trying and some of which have just been regular trying.

I'm sick. I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and I just kind of gave a dark little laugh about it. Sounds about right. Reason being, I had claimed being sick on Tuesday to stay home from work. Well, that's not the full truth, Ellen. I had taken a "wellness day" saying I had woken up feeling "unwell" and that was the truth and I did not elaborate or claim to have any illness in particular, though I did spend some time trying to imagine what I might say if pressed. Truth is, I just didn't feel well. I needed a day. I felt the weight of everythingness on my shoulders and by Monday night I was resolved that I simply couldn't go into the office the next day. I had too much to do at the house. This was never really a problem during WFH years when there was, on balance, time for everything, but it sure as hell feels like a problem now.

I had gotten my winter tires put on on Monday -- tactfully picking a work from home day to bring my car in because heaven forbid I take another day away from the office, you're welcome -- but still needed to clean out the garage so that I could put the car in. We had been using it to store the detritus from our garage sale in June that we just got around to posting online instead of doing so over the summer like good smart people. So on Tuesday -- after taking the summer tires to Nonna's and having a little lunch with her -- I brought all that stuff inside and sorted everything and wrapped up the hose and swept and the entire process took maybe a single focussed hour but man oh man it is hard to find a single focussed hour these days. I mean, I could sacrifice my weekend mornings but who wants to do that?

I picked a good day to get "sick" because some shit went down at work that I was partially, okay mostly responsible for and as a result I did not have to do the cleanup and face the wrath of a very unhappy staffer. I want to make it up to them but I worry that I am simply too cowardly to admit what happened. It was an honest mistake but I feel a lot of shame around it. I may never reconcile that. I may never find the guts.

Wednesday I went in, ready to resume my soul-crushing routine. Snow was falling, I got the car into the garage just in the nick of time. I couldn't get a spot in the parking structure as I had been doing though, what a bunch of shit. Wednesday was of course the holiday luncheon at work. It was OK. I tried to enjoy the fellowship but honestly everything about the workplace makes me feel kind of sour right now.

When I got home we had to get Hank some boots. Mel had arranged for a pickup at Pet Valu, but the ones we got were too big for him so we took him back to get sized. The girl at the store fawned over him, as they all do because he's adorbs. We got the right size and took him out to frolic, but the boots had a hard time staying on, which was stressful. Then, Mel slipped on something buried under the snow and faceplanted. Fortunately she as mostly OK but definitely bedridden for the next day, so I had to stay home again.

Call it fate, call it karma (that's the name of a Strokes song I think.) I got sick on Friday when I'd be home anyway, and will now be sniffling through the weekend. I wonder if karma really does exist but only for people with enough self-consciousness and shame to let it in. Those who go through life boldly wronging others will never take note of any repercussions unless visited upon them by, you know, vigilantes. Looking at that Insurance CEO.

I lie about one thing and then here I am three days later facing that thing. Well, I wouldn't have done it differently. Like I said I didn't really lie, it's just that the truth feels like a lie, which is a weird thing I often feel and why I am terrified of being asked to take a polygraph for some reason.

The other annoying thing, and this is really down to my brain, is that I left my USB with all my writing etc at work on Wednesday -- sure, wouldn't have been a problem had I gone in on Thursday but this is the world we live in. I'm okay with it because I know where it is and why I left it there. See, if I happen to use it at work (heaven forbid, but mostly to update my tracker) I have to plug it into the dock and not the laptop itself, because the causes the whole system to get glitchy for whatever reason. But the dock stays at the desk so if I forget to unplug, you get it. It's something I kind of knew would happen someday, and once even rushed back to the office because I realized after boarding the streetcar I had left it and didn't want to be without for the Thanksgiving weekend. Functionally this is the same problem but I'm working Monday and I see the upside to not having anything I can do for a few days. I already said I'd scale back X-Cerpts for December. It would be way, way worse if I left it there over the Holiday break.

Now, if I get to my desk on Tuesday and it is not there, we are going to have a serious, serious problem. And I really do need to get into the habit of backing it up, but I don't trust the cloud.

Mel had yesterday off and treated herself to some nails and shopping while I worked. I dropped her off and picked her up -- being that she wasn't sure she could drive with her ankle being messed up from her fall -- which led to some awkwardness when I came to get her at just before 5 as traffic was nearing its heaviest on Guelph, exacerbated by an accident. I ultimately didn't mind.

The previous week we went to Unc's to help him with some stuff while Sherlie is in the hospital. There's been some static because of too many asks overloading my brain which is the main pressure point between us. Last weekend we left Hank at home and got breakfast at Williams, where we haven't been in a long while (it was sort of becoming a "spot" for us, but then we got Hank and going out became harder and less desirable) before proceeding to Michaels for a big shop of decos, which we have not yet successfully put up. We did get the tree up, and now the lights are on. We wanted to add a string of lights this year but the wire was glitchy so I went out to CT to get another string, and what should happen but the same product suddenly has a different tone of light! Go figure. We hid the new one at the back. Today is, I would hope, decorating day, after a false start last week when we got caught up with Mel finding more and more things we needed to clean and tidy to her satisfaction. Having your desk, which is always a mess, be part of the common area of the house is not always a picnic.

Anyway. It is something of a shame I can't do any writing right now because I was feeling a bit of momentum a while back but it is what it is. I have a book on the go and other things I can always do to occupy my time and amuse myself or be productive, including this, which was good to air out.

Keep on rockin'

Scotto