3:49 AM: Tools of the trade

So where were we? As noted in my last post, work hasn't been work, and the freefall has sort of continued. I had my vacation last week. It was uneventful and eventful.

Earlier this year, I could tell I was in a kind of manic phase, accumulating ideas and motivation to work on them. This was directed in a lot of different ways, creatively and "productively" when it comes to my X-Men blog and its future. I was definitely spreading myself, I wouldn't say too thin, but at a nice layer.

By the time I had a surplus of time to actually do things, I was ready to shut down. Which is a good feeling, you know, I don't reboot that often -- I'm definitely someone who measure leisure time by "productivity" whether that's cleaning the house or writing smut. The things that I like doing just happen to be ones that produce output. But by last week, I had had so much time to do things that it no longer felt necessary to fill every day. It was kind of nice, being free-floating. I still did things, most often in the mornings. Most days were marked by the usual discussion of what to do for lunch. Etc etc.

The weekend before was a busy one, as we went to the city on Saturday for Aunt Karen's birthday, which was a relatively big 'do at an Italian restaurant (which I had actually been to once before with work, many years ago, go figure.) The atmosphere wasn't quite so conducive to mingling and talking so while I did spent a good amount of time talking to Eric and whomever was around me, I didn't check in with the cousins too much as they were at the far end of the table. Alas.

Sunday was Family Fun Day, which was maybe a little less tiring than last year but still a little complicated as the scoring and game rotation was hectic (with Nonna having to stay upstairs and, surprisingly not come down to play ping pong.) Oh well oh well oh well.

The week proceeded then. I went to the mall a few times, did running around for coffees and buying jeans and getting a haircut and whatever else. I had meant to go to the city to see Tony for some coffee or lunch, but weather happened and Mel also needed the car in the evening so I didn't feel like I could go off to the city. We rescheduled and then rescheduled again as I moved my dentist appointment to Thursday to accommodate Mel going into the city for work, which is now happening tomorrow, Wednesday. I said sure I'd still go, but I still have to go in on Thursday regardless, because I'm not moving this dentist appointment for the second time in a week.

It is what it is. 

Then on Friday we got some very bizarre news, that mom had split from Ross because he had cheated on her. I was surprised, more because he's a 71-year-old insomniac who hates life, so I didn't think he would be able to get a better deal than my mom, piece of shit. I was upset because I don't know what it's like for my mom to be on her own, because she hasn't historically done well without a partner, and now she doesn't even have her sons living with her, so that worried me, but she admitted she came around relatively quickly to seeing it as a good thing to be rid of him, being that he was, again, a piece of shit (my words.) So whatever. He fucked up and will probably never be a minute for the rest of his miserable life, if he ever had been. That's his business, and as long as my mom is at peace -- and she really does seem to have been taking it in stride after the initial shock and hurt wore off. That's good.

So we offered to go over for dinner, and bought her some Kelsey's, and we talked at length about it, and other things that were going on with us. A pretty long night overall.

So over the last little while it's just felt like life has largely been crapping on my head and the heads of people I care about, and that otherwise I've also been off by a half-step somehow. 

Back to me and my state of mind, I'm sort of lethargic now that I'm back to work, and there's still nothing much to do (although not nothing and I can at least log on now, so we've been doing things.) I'd love to refocus my energy and do some writing but it's not grabbing me right now and I'm thinking about ending some of these projects in the near future or at least the next year, when some of the things I feel committed to are done with.

Oh and we also got our new dishwasher on the 15th. It has been a gamechanger as promised -- yes, the kitchen does still get dirty but knowing there is an easy and reliable fix to it means it doesn't stay dirty for quite as long, which is nice. Not having to leave things undone and stress about when we'll be able to pull it off... yeah. Very nice.

And yeah. Other than that... adrift. A little melancholy. Not much else to say.

We try though.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

2:54 AM: Fault

I feel a little like I'm free-falling. Since the middle of last week, the company has been subject to a cyber-attack that has left our systems down with no indication of when they may be restored. It's a very strange place to be in, as I was on vacation the week before and will be going back on vacation next week, so it doesn't feel like I even have a job right now. It's kind of the opposite, or the inverse, of the early-pandemic, where the routine was disrupted but there was still a lot to do to adjust.

I mean, normally I'd love all this time to write and pursue my interests but it feels so unstructured and so undirected I can't quite get my head in the right spot. I feel a little spoiled and restless. But I'm doing my best, and standing by for if and when we come back online.

It is what it is. Last weekend, we had Joe over, which was a really nice change of pace. We did a mondo-cleanup at the house to get ready for company, and I'm working hard to keep the place in decent shape. It only takes one meal for our kitchen to explode, anyway. We had Chinese, discussed Joe's travels and other life-happenings, and played a game of What's Yours Like. This past weekend, we went to Mel's parents' place for the Superbowl, which was nice. It was kind of an interesting game, with the score tight until the end. We did some prop bets (Coin flip outcome, how many songs would Rihanna sing, first team to score, as well as ultimate winner and final score) and I got the most points, so that was cool.

Mel also went to lunch with Cristina on Saturday, which I spent doing some running around. I've also started cataloguing my comics for liquidation. I'm sure I'll be giving a lot of them to Kris, who wants to come visit sometime in the near future.

It's Valentine's Day. Obviously Mel and I have plans, although we were hoping to order from this nice Mexican place but it turns out they were doing a fixed menu and no take-out. Alas. Another time -- it seems like every time we want to hit this place something gets in the way. We found another one that should be nearly as nice. I got the edible arrangement, the balloon, flowers... I mean, when you're 8 years in, you definitely do it right, but you don't overdo it. I spilled all my feelings into the usual lovely, lengthy card. She knows, but if she doesn't, there's her customary reminder.

And... yeah. Like I said, I feel a little adrift and listless, although we are working toward some big things. The dishwasher hasn't arrived yet, it somehow "missed" being put on the truck. I expect to hear about it tomorrow or Thursday. Very, very exciting, if annoying due to the delay.

C'est la vie. Think I'll make a coffee and rest before hitting it with a book or some cataloguing.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

2:10 AM: Standards

Although it was not an overly busy week at work, it blurred by as usual as Mel got deeper into her routine. It's nice to be a little more refreshed. I've been back to showering in the mornings and getting ready for work, although my "me time" is a little more disrupted. We were supposed to go into Toronto on Thursday for our works, but things happened so that we didn't. We got dumped on with snow and while that was not our stated reason, it didn't help and everyone else was blaming it anyway, so why not?

Late in the week, Mel's desk arrived, so we spent some of the weekend putting it together, re-arranging her furniture, and otherwise cleaning around the upstairs. Mel has this thing where she can't just do one thing, it has to blossom into several many things, and of course whatever she's doing I have to assist with despite being occupied. Well whatever. We played some tunes and worked up a sweat. Eventually she excused herself to go read, which is a deal that works for both of us. I initially put the legs of the desk on inside out and backwards but it was a quick redo -- part of the appeal of this desk was that it was simple, basically just a table, which is fine because all she needed was surface area. She was able to keep her previous desk with shelf and now has a very appealing set-up. All she needs is curtains.

The next day we went out and shopped for a new dishwasher, which is the most exciting thing to hit this town in ages. Ever since we moved in we have been putting up with this cranky ass loud dishwasher that we can't even run pretty much ever because it's so disruptive. It makes me bitter because it means we never have clean dishes, but Mel simply can't abide the noise. So I have to wait until we have a reason to be out of the house and god help us if -- like last night -- I forget to turn the thing on before we go. We did our research and wound up with one of the better low decibels in our price range. I'm going to be running this thing every day. It was overall a pleasant experience and I can't wait for it to arrive.

I've got the week off. I would have thought I would have checked in sooner, but I have been pretty good at busying myself. Too good... almost no cleaning has gotten done, although I did clear out the sink (although again... full dirty dishwasher.) I've been doing a lot of writing in the mornings (sometimes on very worthwhile pursuits, sometimes just dickening around.) I thought I might watch some wrestling or play video games, but not so much. You know last year around this time, when I happened to take a week off, Mel happened to be going into the office every day that week (total coincidence, I swear!) so it really felt like I had all day to myself: getting up early, no working around her lunch schedule, and then picking her up in the evening. Now it's a little truncated, as I assist her with things in the morning like breakfast, and we plan lunches together etc.

It's not bad, and it's really been a shall we say productive time, my ideal staycation. It's not the worst thing to have some limitations on your time, when you can still do whatever for the most part. But geez, was it really a year ago that I last vacuumed the steps?

I don't really have that much more to say but I'm feeling good and I want it known. Less and less of this blog is misery guts, even though those times still happen. We're in a groove.

I'm happy.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto