XXXIV: Anyone with a key can get in

Nothing new is happening. I'm experiencing a sort of executive dysfunction. There are definitely things I could and should do with my time, but I find myself sitting with the dogs and scrolling on my phone. I should be more pro-active, I should be looking for a job, I should write. I should clean the kitchen. But something within me has shut down. We got back from vacation and I needed a bit of time to decompress and develop a routine around these two dogs, but I think we're past the grace period with that.

Last night at dinner, Mel asked me about my day and I just sighed, "It wasn't productive." Which is a sucky way to look at life in general, but it's one people understand. And she reciprocated that her own day wasn't productive because she's trying to get into the groove of this new job and it's not smooth. 

Maybe things are happening, but I'm not doing. A difference.

One random thing we did was that I brought up the VCR and we spend Sunday watching the tape of the Lip Sync from 1994. It was kind of an impromptu thing I guess because I had seen an entry for Forrest Gump on Netflix (under "90s Heartthrobs"?) and I noted that I wished I could show her the one where i did the Al Yankovic song. All we had was '94, which I thought at least Eric was on, but no. Mel sat through all that and the only family member she saw was mom doing the Locomotion with Penny and some other moms. It wasn't necessarily a bad show as far as those things go, but imagine sitting through it with no emotional investment, and freakishly low video quality.

Well, for me it was a walk down memory lane. I messaged my dad and he mentioned he had a couple sitting around, but not the one I really wanted. But he does allegedly have 95, which I am on, I believe.

You know, after all that trailer talk, it was nice to time-travel back to the old days. See Sandy again. Other people we've lost.

That night we ended up having leftover sausages for dinner which was... fine, but nothing to get excited about. Monday we got around to cleaning Mel's office and setting up her new setup, although she was still kind of glum about there still being clutter. We had some skewers for dinner, which was nice.

Tuesday was the beginning of Mel's bumpy transition to her new company. Pizza for dinner. Don't ask me why it's important to me to keep logging what all our meals were. Yesterday we went out to Kelsey's because Mel had an appointment and it seemed to make the most sense, but she's going out again tonight with a friend. Then I have no idea what's going on tomorrow or through the weekend.

I have some more tasks I'm neglecting. This is a nothing post. And that's fine, I just needed it out on record.

I guess this one sees me in the middle of a knot.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXXIII: Due Compensation

It's absolutely schlitting rain right now, and I'm not exactly sure what that means for my morning routine. Dark skies, thunder and lightning. I slept in a bit after a late Saturday night, but I managed to get Hank out around 9. At that time the ground was already wet and the clouds were dark but I figured it had rained in the morning and that would be it, but the storm rolled back in. Lately, I've been taking Hank, then indulging in a coffee and letting Hank sit for a while before breakfast. Then when he goes upstairs of his own accord -- or if not, if a sufficient amount of time has passed -- I got get Bastian and take him for his walk. He's a little quicker about it, although Amanda the sitter said he loves long walks. I don't know, I always see him panting hard by the end of it.

Ennaway. I haven't let Bastian down yet but that seems unfair since he's up there in his crate with no idea when anyone will come for him. I just don't want to walk him in this weather, so I'm kind of at an impasse with myself. What I think I will probably do is write this, then go get him and hope he doesn't feel too bad about not going for a walk, but if it rains all day I don't know what we'll do. Maybe he can borrow Hank's coat that he doesn't like (because in general he hates rain) but if I'm lucky he'll just be chill about the whole thing and not ask. Because I don't want to go out in the rain.

This is what life is.

So let's get back to the recent past. The rest of the time at the trailer was nice. We did indeed hit the pool at the height of heat on Thursday, with a few fellow adults indulging a "swim." They were chatty with each other and playing a Fleetwood Mac playlist, so, sure. We got out to dry and read (I'm reading Pageboy by Elliot Page, because for some reason every year I bring a book by a trans/nonbinary person on vacation with me. It's not even the first trans book I've read this year!) then got back in for a bit. Although we were pretty diligent with our sunscreen we still ended up burnt on the shoulders.

After that, and some lunch of leftover steak sandwiches, we did some kayaking. Mel napped and I had to re-light the pilot light, but I was too impatient to get a nice hot shower out of the deal. We thought about doing another fire, but since Hank doesn't like the fire we kind of just curled up inside. We played Farkle then had a rummy tournament which Mel won handily, then watched half or 75% of Dirty Dancing while I nodded off.

It was a good day. They were all good days. As I've been saying this feels like the first year where I actually felt the time at the trailer was going too fast and I would have liked to stay longer, but that wasn't an option for a variety of reasons. Hank was kind of having a weird time, because he kept wanting to go lie in bed, then come see us, then have us lead him back to bed and watch him get in. Previously he never had a problem lounging around in the sun with us.

I made sausages for dinner, with potato salad and leftover corn. It occurs to me I do not know what became of the potato salad. Did we finish it? Did we leave it? Oh well.

Friday was pretty much all spent getting ready to go. Which sucked, because it reached that mythical "Must jump in pool" heat, but no matter how I tried to calculate it we had zero time allocated for pretty much anything fun (although I did let Mel read while I finished the dishes after she'd done some pickup.)

Picking up the place, gathering our materials, washing all the dishes, it took a few hours but we were relatively speedy about it. Lori told us that they were on the road about an hour before we were due to leave at 2:30, and that because they had their dog Teddy with them, who is reactive, there shouldn't be a visit, which was fine. After a few hiccups we got out only 10-15 minutes later than we planned, letting everyone know we were on the road. Our destination: Woodstock, ON, our ETA 4:24 PM.

Well, it was a long and winding road, much of which was spent behind slow-moving country vehicles, but we made it roughly on time or even a minute or two early. Amanda was there with Bastian but Dad was lagging behind because of some lane closures on the 403 and a need to get gas in Brantford. Which suited us fine, as we wanted to grab a quick bite at Wendy's. By the time all was said and done, we were back on the road around 5, slightly behind my dad as we bother had to use the restroom. With traffic it was a long schlep back, although it was really only bad through Hamilton. I could tell Mel was fading from such a long time in the car, because she requested a change of playlist and got less conversational. It would not have been my preference to do all that driving in one day, but the only alternative was to leave the trailer late on Thursday, which we did not want to do.

We got home around 6:30 to find Dad sitting out on our porch with Bastian tied to a length of rope he kept in his trunk. Asked why he did not simply get his leash out, he said he forgot the bag was in there. Well, at least he had a crafty solution. We bid him thanks again and farewell and tried to settle back in but man it was a lot of fuss with the two dogs, the wife, and all this shit needing to go back in the fridge. I feel like we came back with nearly as much food as we brought when you factor in leftovers and additional materials. I had bought more ice cream than was required partly because it was on sale. Actually I didn't need to buy any ice cream at all because we only had it the first night. So Mel said "Let's have some ice cream" and of course it turned out to be melty. Why didn't my dumb ass go for the ice cream that was literally in our freezer? I don't know man, I was tired. We walked the dogs then settled in to watch The Ultimatum and eat Mel's requested dinner of nachos. (I didn't love being asked to cook since we had planned to grab prime rib dinners from Fortinos instead of our usual traditional pizza, but after that whole ordeal how could I not give Mel what she wanted?)

Yesterday we had some Williams for breakfast and mostly just chilled, then got our prime rib. today Mel wants to clean her office, and fair.

So that's that, you know, those are things that happened. It's still raining although I would downgrade it to a drizzle. Still not excited about going out in it. I wish I had more waterproof shoes. Apparently Vessis are not good for the environment although I have Vessi boots. Idk. I think I'll go let Bastian out and deal with it from there. I would like to get some writing done before Mel wakes up, clock's ticking.

Tomorrow, another day off, who knows, I posited that we might go to the movies and see a Spider-Man, but it's up to the whims of fate. Then Mel starts her not-new job at the new company and I... do whatever it is I do that fills my days, walking dogs mostly.

I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXXII: 1999 / Ideas and Ideals

A thought occurred to me while sitting here at the trailer that I haven't fully come to grips with.

We bought our first trailer, when I was a kid, in 1990 when I was 3. We came up every summer -- most weekends, some whole weeks -- for my entire childhood, all through the 90's. I don't know when I stopped coming regularly but it was probably around 2003. I'm basing this on the fact that I have memory of hearing Avril Lavigne (debut single 2002) in the car on the way up here, and in the last years bringing my tape recorded copy of London Calling which I would have been super into in 2003. But I was probably a lot spottier on when I would come up back then, probably just on my dad's weekend (every other weekend.) 

So let's say the trailer era was from 1990 to 2002, about 3-15. Twelve years. Dad kept coming a few years more, when Deb's sibling had a trailer here, and then his friends sold theirs so he sold his too. 

It's now 2026. I think I've visited this place every year since about 2015. That's eleven years. Almost the same length of time, and next year will make it a tie. Now obviously we're only up for a weekend or a week at a time, not living my entire summer here, but humbling when you think about how the same span of time hits differently when you're an adult. Calendar pages keep ripping off faster and faster.

It never quite stopped feeling like a trip to the past. Probably because I want it to. I want a little piece of that 1999-2000-ness. Childhood, innocence, freedom from responsibility. Neverending summer. Walking around all day, sitting at the rec hall, walking around some more at night. That tentative who-likes-who-ness, that Carly Fortune stuff.

It's always 1999. That one sticks out in my mind because I just remember it. I was always either here or with my cousin at his house or we would come back to mine. Me toting a plastic bag of clothes and barely ever changing, including to sleep. Change for the pop machine jingling in my little cargo shorts pocket. Oh, twelve. That was 99 and 2000 a bit as well. Writing and drawing comics, dreaming of making it big. Wrestling games.

I don't know where I'm going with any of this. I'm just walking around the lake in circles.

I told Mel last night that this was one of my favourite trips to the trailer ever and she was surprised. I was surprised too but that's kind of how I'm feeling. I'm feeling startled by how quick it's going and how I don't want it to. Usually I'm pretty antsy to get home but I'm feeling good, relaxed and present. So I'm able to enjoy it more.

Tuesday I had to go into town for a whole bunch of supplies, as was the plan, but I didn't realize we were low on toilet paper. So I had to go back the next day. Kind of a drag, not to mention confusing how you don't leave a pack of toilet paper kicking around. I'm not going to get too upset about it since my aunts are kind enough to lend us the trailer and all, but that's a headscratcher. 

So, you know, fun in the sun. It's been nice but not that blazingly hot "jump in the pool" weather you're always craving. I feel like we never quite get it no matter when we come up, and July is our best bet. Yesterday we walked Hank around and went to the swimming hole. I didn't go in, I stayed on the goose poop-filled beach with Hank while Mel took a dip. Then we had lunch and she napped, and afterward we went to the pool. But by then it was about 6 and the sun was disappearing behind the trees and it was real cold when we got out. So today we plan to go earlier. I think it's going to be the warmest today so that's good.

Done a lot of reading. We played some Farkle, which was a very tense game as Mel managed to rush past me and cross the threshold of 10,000 first, but then I get a chance to beat her and managed to do it with some amazing rolls.

I worry, I worry. I've applied for some jobs but they don't seem to be biting. I know I'm not the type of guy who's putting out hundreds of resumes, I really have to be able to see myself doing the particular job before I apply. It has to be either remote or very local, and no AI. That really hampers my ability to apply for things. I feel sick with guilt about it. Like I'll never be anything. Mel keeps saying "we're all right" for money -- it doesn't necessarily feel that way to me, but sure. And there's Bastian. Mel really wants to keep him -- her heart melts every time she gets an update from the sitter -- but having two dogs who don't necessarily get along is really fraying me.

Well, I think I'll pull myself out of this nosedive and end it here.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXXI: Line of Sight / Ant Sleep

I'm sitting on the deck of Lori's trailer, and the sun is starting to peek out from behind the clouds as it gets brighter and lighter and I have shed the hoodie I initially wore out here. Hank has been fed but hasn't been interested in a walk. I guess it's a vacation for him too. Mel is awake but told me not to mistake that for "getting up," so she's in bed looking at her phone and kindle. Hey, it's vacay. It's only 10:30.

Coming up here, I was thinking about how things stay the same for such long times and then suddenly they change. I know that's a fairly obvious observation but there's no other way to put it. For example one of the two-way stops we always face on the way up is now a four-way, finally. But only the one. And the intersection at the end of First Line is now a light, I'm not sure if that had already happened or if it was just this year.

And stores go in and out of business. Barns fall, topography changes. The trailer itself... a tall tree Lori used to have on her site was cut down and is now just a tall stump. They had string lights hanging from it, it was cute.

Sorry, I got stuck in a proustian reverie again.

Let's back it up, though. Friday we went out to dinner with "The Bopo Girls" and spouses, at a restaurant downtown called Local. Between Namita's recent wedding, Steph's upcoming one, our dogs and Kim just living life, there was a lot to discuss. It ended up being a long night, which got me kind of antsy, partly because the res wasn't until 7:30 so by the time we got home it was about midnight and we had two dogs at home to look after. The dinner was nice; I had originally wanted to have the shrimp curry bowl but I was pretty hungry so I ordered the burger, which I never do in a restaurant. It was a'ight. We got home and found that poor Hank had been tearing at the door jamb, a frustrating new habit. Previously he'd been very good at settling in the bedroom for a night. Maybe it has something to do with how much time he's spent in there since Basti arrived.

Saturday we had some running around to do, with Mel getting a pedicure and Basti going for a haircut. Our intention had been to have dinner while Bastian was at the groomer, but Mel was napping so the timing was thrown off so right when dinner was ready, we got the call that it was time to pick him up. Dinner was still OK when we got back.

Sunday was the day to take Bastian out to Woodstock. We ended up asking my dad to borrow his car. I had been shy about it, I don't know why... I mean, I guess I have a thing about relying on others too much. My main thing was it was a lot of running around for one day, but I decided to just go for it. I recall one day when Dad had to take B & E out to a Transformers convention at the airport doubletree, and me to a bowling tournament in London or something, and he just did it all. That's the kind of guy he is, and that's the kind of guy I try to be, so that's what I did. I went in the morning to get dad's car, we did a bit of prep and had a quick breakfast, loaded Basti's stuff and our supplies and cued up a playlist and off we went.

It wasn't a hard drive at all -- a straight shot down the 403 until it merges with the 401 and then you basically get right off and you're there at the Tim Hortons we were meeting at. Just a long time going straight. Since we drove through Brantford, Mel was thrown into some of her own university memories. 

So, it was nice, a nice drive, I'd be happy to do it again, and I sort of will sort of won't. Amanda, the dogsitter, couldn't be more of a lovely person. We got some doughnuts although not our chosen kind because they had just had a rush, and headed home. There was significant traffic due to an accident, so the drive home was a bit less fun. But hey, we had each other.

Edit Jul 30: My nasty little secret is that we were going to drive straight to dad's place. ("Why not?") but I realized I hadn't brought they keys, because why would I, we hadn't really discussed it, even though that would have been a fine, good plan. So I said we'd drop Mel off to look after Hank and I'd go get the car. But when we got home I realized I couldn't find the keys. Luckily I had a spare and made no mention of this to Mel, but I was alarmed, hoping that I had simply left the keys at dad's. Luckily it all worked out, but it would have been bad, and the cover-up was almost as bad as the crime. Edit over.

By the time I got back from dropping the car off, I had spent about 4 hours driving that day. All to return where I started.

Mel already misses Basti, and seeing videos of him romping around on a farm is bittersweet. 

After that we chilled until it was time to order pizza. Mel had to spend a lot of the night working on some crummy onboarding thing for her new employer -- hey, did I tell you about that? -- which was frustrating in a number of different ways. Then we worked on packing, which there was only so much we could do and I don't even think we maxed that. The state of laundry in our house is forsaken, because I spend so much time tending the dogs I don't go downstairs. And it was already pretty bad. That and dishes. Some people could make it work but I haven't unlocked it yet.

So as always, by the time Monday, our departure day, rolled around we were behind. I went and got some groceries; my concept was to buy as much as we could in town, but Mel still wanted to get some essentials for the first night and morning. I made a command decision not to get a bagged salad because I wasn't sure of the provenance of the lettuce and there are health concerns coming out of the failed state that is the United States these days. Then we finish packing clothes and entertainment things and Hank things and linens and last-minute sundries and sorting said groceries, before you know it it's 2:00. And I had forgotten to get fries, so we had to make a stop. I would say we properly hit the road around 2:30. It was kind of an interesting drive as these things go. At Guelph and Dundas, where the right lane ends just over the intersection, a truck sped past us because of course. But then a little ways down the road we found ourselves bottlenecked by a student driver, with of course said pickup right behind. I got a good laugh out of that. Of course at the very first dotted line the truck made a break for it, but I was glad they got at least a brief moment of suffering.

So we got here at about 4, and settled in, had some lunch of sandwiches (which led to Mel sadly dribbling oil on her clothes well ahead of schedule.) Then we hit the pool because I was feeling crusty from the drive and everything. It was good. More chilling, then dinner of burgers; we had wanted to watch Twister, because we had meant to bring a DVD of it up that has been sitting on our shelf since we bought it at Value Village, but we forgot. But then we saw that, of all things, Lori and Gail had it on Blu-ray here?? But then when we opened it it was not there. Sad. So we watched The Birdcage, which was nice.

That's all the things that have happened and I think Mel is up now. So maybe later I will talk about my feelings about things that have happened. Or more things might happen. Who knows!

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXX: This Day and Age / Foxes and Mice

And then, and then, and then.

I'm a little put out these days. As predicted, the idea of having two dogs in the house has been a logistical nightmare and it's all visited upon yours truly. Mel has a positive outlook on the situation but a lot of the time I'm about at capacity, and several complicating factors have really put me there. We got Bastian only a week and a half before we were due for our much-anticipated trailer vacation. So we have to board him and the only option -- after casting about for some way around it -- is to take him out to Woodstock, which is an hour's drive, although just a straight shot on the 403. This, we are going to do on Saturday, putting our vacation off until Sunday. But we absolutely have to pick him up on Friday because the boarders themselves are going on vacation the next day. I'm not really happy with the way this has all shaken out and I wish we didn't have to deal with it, but it's just the result of several unlucky breaks in the wake of what I still consider to be the flawed decision to have Bastian come here in the first place.

Yes, I'm salty. He's a good boy, but he and Hank haven't exactly made best friends so keeping them in check has been pretty frustrating so far. I have to manage them and also my various other daily tasks, which I know sounds like a laugh but I do do a lot around here. For the most part we try to keep them sequestered in their own parts of the house and all relax together at the end of the night. Basti doesn't really like being put in his crate but he settles down pretty quick and I am trying to ply him with training treats.

I mean, he's 9, I don't know how much training we can do with him, but it is what it is.

Then, you know, we wanted to get him a haircut and a nail trim and all that, so that requires some doing, and then we got the news that there's issues with the deck at Lori's trailer so that's going to hamper our good time, and I'm just really sour lately. Maybe after we get back and we can settle into a proper routine, I'll be happier.

Tuesday was actually the easiest day in a way, because Mel was at the office in Toronto so I had to keep them separated anyway. The real chaos factor is Mel, who, bless her heart, never wants the dogs to be sad. And if they can stay in her office, fine, but it does get tough.

That's pretty much all of it. The weather's been pretty good, it shat rain most of the day on Tuesday, followed by a relative cooldown.

The last part of the title of this post actually has a relevance to it. While we were walking Basti and Hank together on Saturday we happened upon a dead mouse. I used a poo bag to pick it up and toss it out. Then next morning, in what felt like an omen or an early scene from an A24 elevated horror film, there was another mouse on our stoop in a pool of liquid droppings. I believe this to be the work of the foxes that live around here but how and why they targeted our house, I don't know. What I do know is that I attempted to toss it in my compost (in another poo bag) only to have it left by the garbage people. Deliberate? Did they know what was inside? Is that not allowed? Hm.

I went to the Pet Store yesterday and the person who helped me recognized me from Spring Valley. I remembered her, her dad was friends with my parents. Also while walking Hank I ran into someone who had helped us try to catch Pandora back on that infamous night. Hm.

That's about it. I'm this close to getting something done in writing. Weeds are growing thick in the backyard. I applied for an "Analyst - Project Management" job at Wendys today. I thought this post would be longer, but it turns out all these problems just aren't that significant or interesting. But as always, they're mine.

We'll see what develops.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXIX: Deuteragonist / Reaching For Something I Didn't Know Wasn't There

Fifteen minutes of your time, please. I have half a cup of coffee and no dogs. I need to go to the grocery store in a bit.

It's been a change of pace as we officially welcomed Bastian into our home this weekend. Thursday was the pickup, for which I was due at Pearson Airport at the ungodly hour of 7:05 AM, which if we're being honest is probably preferable to getting to the airport for 8:05 AM or later. The decision was made the night before, that I would make the trek alone, once we determined that we would have to depart sometime just after 6 AM. Mel has never been good with mornings so asking her to get up and go somewhere at that time is something that we should just avoid if at all possible. I was confident anyway that I could handle the trip on my own.

So I got up at 5:40 AM Thursday, made a cup of coffee, forgot to pack any granola bars or anything, and headed out in the borrowed GMC SUV I borrowed from my dad, with a playlist of 90s rock blaring. The drive was relatively smooth. It helped that I had just been to the airport a few weeks earlier, and had refreshed what lanes to be in when, so I didn't make any errors when getting to the exit. However, I was going to the cell phone lot rather than the terminal parking, so that required extra navigation. I had forgotten to install my cell phone holder before starting, so I had to kind of lay my phone awkwardly in the dash and hope I would catch the instructions. It worked out. I got there on time/early. I unfortunately had to use one of the port-a-johns they had there, but I was grateful they were there, as gross as they are.

Edit July 30: I should also mention that this was taking place while the air quality was suffering from the northern Ontario wildfires. The day before, when I went to get the car, the sky was yellow, but it was already clearing up by now. Edit over. 

Anyway, after not too long of a wait -- about 40 minutes -- I got the call to proceed to the terminal. We loaded Bastian into the car, I snapped a pic for Mel and was on my way. It was about 55 minutes to get home, partly extended because I got off the highway at Appleby and took Mainway. It probably didn't save me any time, but you know, sometimes you'd rather be moving than staying still on the highway, eh?

With Hank secured in the bedroom we let Bastian decompress. I had a ton of errands to run, including getting a nice breakfast, picking up additional supplies for Basty (they had given us some the day before, but not a properly fitting collar) and dropping my dad's car back off, so I was running around like crazy all day, which is not dissimilar to our first day with Hank.

He's a very sweet, cuddly boy who mostly just wants to lie on the floor and be with people, which is great. His presence has been a bit disruptive to Hank. Ultimately we decided to introduce them yesterday after two days in the house, because it wasn't feasible to keep them separate much longer. It's OK -- there have definitely been times they've been relaxed around each other, but sometimes Bastian growls and then Hank growls... they did go on a walk together, but it's not all roses so far. it's a lot of sitting in one room with one dog and another room with the other.

We'll get there.

Last night before bed, Mel noted it was harder than she thought. I noted it was exactly as hard as I thought and I'd said so, and I don't love saying "I told you so" but I kinda do. I knew it would be hard and I made sure to point that out at every turn as I resisted giving into her desire to have another foster. But I couldn't put it off forever. So we made this commitment, and it falls to me to mostly manage it.

We'll see how it goes, and how it affects my life. I feel like I might lose a lot of opportunity to do things I want for myself or even keep searching for jobs while I direct canine traffic, but it is what it is.

Anyway, that's all to report now. I've got some stuff to do and then it's doggie duty.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXVIII: Evil Intentions / Peace Treaties

Strange days, and more to come.

Mel's been overworked and anxious, putting in tons of extra time, including on the weekends.

This past Saturday, Mel had a nail appointment, which meant we went to the mall, had A&W Breakfast, I puttered around (mostly reading the book about The Office I started back during the garage sale) then we ran some errands, getting various cards and gifts.

Saturday evening was Deb's birthday. I had made sure we got that teed up around the time I asked them to watch Hank for Canada Day and before we asked about borrowing the car to pick up Bastion. I feel a bit weird about my relationship with my dad lately. Part of growing up and becoming independent is managing the push and pull of your parents' desire for your time. I gave him lots when I was in my twenties, not that I don't owe him anything now. Obviously, a few years back, there was the opening of an ideological canyon between us that is still a sore spot for me, I don't know if he thinks about it. Father's Day, all I did was text him, and I felt a little cold-shouldered about that. It's not like we saw Mel's parents either.

Anyway, Deb's birthday was nice. We had been advised that Alex and Tanya would be there with their dog Zeus. I hemmed and hawed over whether it was wise to bring Hank. I didn't not want to bring him, but I knew it was a risk. I also didn't want to leave him home in a hot bedroom if I didn't have to. Unfortunately, Mel's parents weren't able to look after him -- we didn't ask, but to the best of our knowledge they were watching Jake. In the end, I thought it could be good practice. Zeus is a lot more chill than Jake. I feel like the energy between Hank and Jake would be almost inherently off, but maybe Zeus, who was neutered recently, might be more passive.

I was worried though, if it didn't go well, it's a pretty small place. Well, we ended up spending most of the evening outside. And indeed, the introduction did end up with some growling and barking and snapping, and we ended up having to separate the boys. Hank was inside until we finished our meal, watching us sadly through the window. Then we let him out for a while, and there was a brief period of coexistence until tempers flared up again. This time Zeus went inside. 

There was lively conversation, at one point seemingly too lively as Tanya had wanted to tell an anecdote about getting hit in her car, but the conversation kind of moved on. I was interested and when she disappeared briefly later Alex indicated she was feeling some feelings about that, and I felt a bit bad. We also talked about various forms of gambling, which would influence my next few days.

See, Alex had been talking about free games you can play on one of the apps, which can net you a couple of bucks per day. You know me, especially because I'm between jobs I'm on the lookout for any way to get something for nothing. Last week I inquired about this supposed work-from-home piecework gig assembling boxes. Jeez, I'm at a point where I'll try just about anything, but when I got too deep into it it seemed pretty clearly to be a scam.

Anyway. We got home and Mel went to bed and I wasn't ready, so I sat up, trying to figure out how to get something for nothing, with no risk to myself, on this app. I couldn't find it. But you know, it's dangerous. There's a bit of an addictive streak running through this family and if I'm not careful, I might fall into something bad. 

And by that I mean, I started gambling.

Just little bits, you know. On the roulette. Put a minimum bet in on a color. If it doesn't hit, double and spin again, and so on. Under favorable circumstances, you can make a few bucks grinding it out that way. Under unfavorable circumstances, it can get away from you and cost you everything very quickly. And honestly, right now there isn't anything I can afford to lose.

Mel was busy all day Sunday, so what was I to do? It almost feels like a sure thing. It's not, but it sure feels like one.

In the end, I walked away with a good chunk of change, but I'm not lauding myself for losing, I'm mad at myself for getting pulled in. At one point, the one that acted as the cold splash of water in my face (for now,) I was betting red, and it just kept coming up, red, red, red, red, red, over and over like 8 times in a row. And what if I had been betting black? How fucked would I be? That should be enough to keep me away for a good long while.

So I'm more motivated now to try to make some money in legitimate ways. Applying for jobs, obviously -- found a halfway decent one which may not be remote but it is local -- and writing stuff that might earn me a buck or two. It's annoying how unmotivated I've been on that, since my last couple of goes were pretty coldly received. It made me wonder if the bottom has completely fallen out. But even if so, there are a couple of things I want to try before I hang it up for good. If they work, great, and if not, I'll be able to sleep not having to wonder what if.

Then there's the X-Men blog and its accompanying Patreon, which gets me a couple of bucks per month, but efforts to expand this have not proven lucrative. Oh well.

I'm a man in crisis but I'm paradoxically at ease with that.

Anyway, I mentioned Bastian up there, and I guess it hasn't really come up on the blog, but we're fostering another dog starting Thursday. What happened was that Mel simply would not stop looking at postings by dog rescues designed to tug the heartstrings. I eventually relented that we are established enough with Hank by now that we can manage an extra dog. But I am not really looking forward to adding another walk to my itinerary (or two?!) nor enforcing two different sets of rules for one dog who is not permitted on furniture. And lastly I am very not looking forward to going all the way to the airport first thing in the morning to pick him up. Hank's pickup was late at night and that sucked but I would definitely rather do that again than be part of QEW rush hour traffic. Fuckssake!

Oh well. I wrote all of the above last night then forgot to wrap it up. Mel was working late into the evening. Lunch was so out of whack we didn't even end up having dinner, by the time she finished around 7 or so. She was drained so instead of watching something emotionally taxing like we have been (the old Netflix Daredevil series now on D+) we just watched a marathon of Judge Judy. I eventually had leftover mini calzone I had made Sunday (I had cut the dough awkwardly resulting in one huge one and two smaller ones) and she had some popcorn. Weird night but oddly enough I might look back on it fondly.

This morning I managed to get Hank walked before the heat came in. Lately I've had to carry him home and I'm a little tired of it. He badly wanted to go for a walk yesterday afternoon/evening but it just kept getting hotter all day. We're back to the mid-30's after a brief reprieve. My poor plants are dying but that's largely because I neglected to water them. There is a fly trapped in the house. There used to be two but I got one of them.

And that's the news.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto