XXX: This Day and Age / Foxes and Mice

And then, and then, and then.

I'm a little put out these days. As predicted, the idea of having two dogs in the house has been a logistical nightmare and it's all visited upon yours truly. Mel has a positive outlook on the situation but a lot of the time I'm about at capacity, and several complicating factors have really put me there. We got Bastian only a week and a half before we were due for our much-anticipated trailer vacation. So we have to board him and the only option -- after casting about for some way around it -- is to take him out to Woodstock, which is an hour's drive, although just a straight shot on the 403. This, we are going to do on Saturday, putting our vacation off until Sunday. But we absolutely have to pick him up on Friday because the boarders themselves are going on vacation the next day. I'm not really happy with the way this has all shaken out and I wish we didn't have to deal with it, but it's just the result of several unlucky breaks in teh wake of what I still consider to be the flawed decision to have Bastian come here in the first place.

Yes, I'm salty. He's a good boy, but he and Hank haven't exactly made best friends so keeping them in check has been pretty frustrating so far. I have to manage them and also my various other daily tasks, which I know sounds like a laugh but I do do a lot around here. For the most part we try to keep them sequestered in their own parts of the house and all relax together at the end of the night. Basti doesn't really like being put in his crate but he settles down pretty quick and I am trying to ply him with training treats.

I mean, he's 9, I don't know how much training we can do with him, but it is what it is.

Then, you know, we wanted to get him a haircut and a nail trim and all that, so that requires some doing, and then we got the news that there's issues with the deck at Lori's trailer so that's going to hamper our good time, and I'm just really sour lately. Maybe after we get back and we can settle into a proper routine, I'll be happier.

Tuesday was actually the easiest day in a way, because Mel was at the office in Toronto so I had to keep them separated anyway. The real chaos factor is Mel, who, bless her heart, never wants the dogs to be sad. And if they can stay in her office, fine, but it does get tough.

That's pretty much all of it. The weather's been pretty good, it shat rain most of the day on Tuesday, followed by a relative cooldown.

The last part of the title of this post actually has a relevance to it. While we were walking Basti and Hank together on Saturday we happened upon a dead mouse. I used a poo bag to pick it up and toss it out. Then next morning, in what felt like an omen or an early scene from an A24 elevated horror film, there was another mouse on our stoop in a pool of liquid droppings. I believe this to be the work of the foxes that live around here but how and why they targeted our house, I don't know. What I do know is that I attempted to toss it in my compost (in another poo bag) only to have it left by the garbage people. Deliberate? Did they know what was inside? Is that not allowed? Hm.

I went to the Pet Store yesterday and the person who helped me recognized me from Spring Valley. I remembered her, her dad was friends with my parents. Also while walking Hank I ran into someone who had helped us try to catch Pandora back on that infamous night. Hm.

That's about it. I'm this close to getting something done in writing. Weeds are growing thick in the backyard. I applied for an "Analyst - Project Management" job at Wendys today. I thought this post would be longer, but it turns out all these problems just aren't that significant or interesting. But as always, they're mine.

We'll see what develops.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXIX: Deuteragonist / Reaching For Something I Didn't Know Wasn't There

Fifteen minutes of your time, please. I have half a cup of coffee and no dogs. I need to go to the grocery store in a bit.

It's been a change of pace as we officially welcomed Bastian into our home this weekend. Thursday was the pickup, for which I was due at Pearson Airport at the ungodly hour of 7:05 AM, which if we're being honest is probably preferable to getting to the airport for 8:05 AM or later. The decision was made the night before, that I would make the trek alone, once we determined that we would have to depart sometime just after 6 AM. Mel has never been good with mornings so asking her to get up and go somewhere at that time is something that we should just avoid if at all possible. I was confident anyway that I could handle the trip on my own.

So I got up at 5:40 AM Thursday, made a cup of coffee, forgot to pack any granola bars or anything, and headed out in the borrowed GMC SUV I borrowed from my dad, with a playlist of 90s rock blaring. The drive was relatively smooth. It helped that I had just been to the airport a few weeks earlier, and had refreshed what lanes to be in when, so I didn't make any errors when getting to the exit. However, I was going to the cell phone lot rather than the terminal parking, so that required extra navigation. I had forgotten to install my cell phone holder before starting, so I had to kind of lay my phone awkwardly in the dash and hope I would catch the instructions. It worked out. I got there on time/early. I unfortunately had to use one of the port-a-johns they had there, but I was grateful they were there, as gross as they are.

Anyway, after not too long of a wait -- about 40 minutes -- I got the call to proceed to the terminal. We loaded Bastian into the car, I snapped a pic for Mel and was on my way. It was about 55 minutes to get home, partly extended because I got off the highway at Appleby and took Mainway. It probably didn't save me any time, but you know, sometimes you'd rather be moving than staying still on the highway, eh?

With Hank secured in the bedroom we let Bastian decompress. I had a ton of errands to run, including getting a nice breakfast, picking up additional supplies for Basty (they had given us some the day before, but not a properly fitting collar) and dropping my dad's car back off, so I was running around like crazy all day, which is not dissimilar to our first day with Hank.

He's a very sweet, cuddly boy who mostly just wants to lie on the floor and be with people, which is great. His presence has been a bit disruptive to Hank. Ultimately we decided to introduce them yesterday after two days in the house, because it wasn't feasible to keep them separate much longer. It's OK -- there have definitely been times they've been relaxed around each other, but sometimes Bastian growls and then Hank growls... they did go on a walk together, but it's not all roses so far. it's a lot of sitting in one room with one dog and another room with the other.

We'll get there.

Last night before bed, Mel noted it was harder than she thought. I noted it was exactly as hard as I thought and I'd said so, and I don't love saying "I told you so" but I kinda do. I knew it would be hard and I made sure to point that out at every turn as I resisted giving into her desire to have another foster. But I couldn't put it off forever. So we made this commitment, and it falls to me to mostly manage it.

We'll see how it goes, and how it affects my life. I feel like I might lose a lot of opportunity to do things I want for myself or even keep searching for jobs while I direct canine traffic, but it is what it is.

Anyway, that's all to report now. I've got some stuff to do and then it's doggie duty.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXVIII: Evil Intentions / Peace Treaties

Strange days, and more to come.

Mel's been overworked and anxious, putting in tons of extra time, including on the weekends.

This past Saturday, Mel had a nail appointment, which meant we went to the mall, had A&W Breakfast, I puttered around (mostly reading the book about The Office I started back during the garage sale) then we ran some errands, getting various cards and gifts.

Saturday evening was Deb's birthday. I had made sure we got that teed up around the time I asked them to watch Hank for Canada Day and before we asked about borrowing the car to pick up Bastion. I feel a bit weird about my relationship with my dad lately. Part of growing up and becoming independent is managing the push and pull of your parents' desire for your time. I gave him lots when I was in my twenties, not that I don't owe him anything now. Obviously, a few years back, there was the opening of an ideological canyon between us that is still a sore spot for me, I don't know if he thinks about it. Father's Day, all I did was text him, and I felt a little cold-shouldered about that. It's not like we saw Mel's parents either.

Anyway, Deb's birthday was nice. We had been advised that Alex and Tanya would be there with their dog Zeus. I hemmed and hawed over whether it was wise to bring Hank. I didn't not want to bring him, but I knew it was a risk. I also didn't want to leave him home in a hot bedroom if I didn't have to. Unfortunately, Mel's parents weren't able to look after him -- we didn't ask, but to the best of our knowledge they were watching Jake. In the end, I thought it could be good practice. Zeus is a lot more chill than Jake. I feel like the energy between Hank and Jake would be almost inherently off, but maybe Zeus, who was neutered recently, might be more passive.

I was worried though, if it didn't go well, it's a pretty small place. Well, we ended up spending most of the evening outside. And indeed, the introduction did end up with some growling and barking and snapping, and we ended up having to separate the boys. Hank was inside until we finished our meal, watching us sadly through the window. Then we let him out for a while, and there was a brief period of coexistence until tempers flared up again. This time Zeus went inside. 

There was lively conversation, at one point seemingly too lively as Tanya had wanted to tell an anecdote about getting hit in her car, but the conversation kind of moved on. I was interested and when she disappeared briefly later Alex indicated she was feeling some feelings about that, and I felt a bit bad. We also talked about various forms of gambling, which would influence my next few days.

See, Alex had been talking about free games you can play on one of the apps, which can net you a couple of bucks per day. You know me, especially because I'm between jobs I'm on the lookout for any way to get something for nothing. Last week I inquired about this supposed work-from-home piecework gig assembling boxes. Jeez, I'm at a point where I'll try just about anything, but when I got too deep into it it seemed pretty clearly to be a scam.

Anyway. We got home and Mel went to bed and I wasn't ready, so I sat up, trying to figure out how to get something for nothing, with no risk to myself, on this app. I couldn't find it. But you know, it's dangerous. There's a bit of an addictive streak running through this family and if I'm not careful, I might fall into something bad. 

And by that I mean, I started gambling.

Just little bits, you know. On the roulette. Put a minimum bet in on a color. If it doesn't hit, double and spin again, and so on. Under favorable circumstances, you can make a few bucks grinding it out that way. Under unfavorable circumstances, it can get away from you and cost you everything very quickly. And honestly, right now there isn't anything I can afford to lose.

Mel was busy all day Sunday, so what was I to do? It almost feels like a sure thing. It's not, but it sure feels like one.

In the end, I walked away with a good chunk of change, but I'm not lauding myself for losing, I'm mad at myself for getting pulled in. At one point, the one that acted as the cold splash of water in my face (for now,) I was betting red, and it just kept coming up, red, red, red, red, red, over and over like 8 times in a row. And what if I had been betting black? How fucked would I be? That should be enough to keep me away for a good long while.

So I'm more motivated now to try to make some money in legitimate ways. Applying for jobs, obviously -- found a halfway decent one which may not be remote but it is local -- and writing stuff that might earn me a buck or two. It's annoying how unmotivated I've been on that, since my last couple of goes were pretty coldly received. It made me wonder if the bottom has completely fallen out. But even if so, there are a couple of things I want to try before I hang it up for good. If they work, great, and if not, I'll be able to sleep not having to wonder what if.

Then there's the X-Men blog and its accompanying Patreon, which gets me a couple of bucks per month, but efforts to expand this have not proven lucrative. Oh well.

I'm a man in crisis but I'm paradoxically at ease with that.

Anyway, I mentioned Bastian up there, and I guess it hasn't really come up on the blog, but we're fostering another dog starting Thursday. What happened was that Mel simply would not stop looking at postings by dog rescues designed to tug the heartstrings. I eventually relented that we are established enough with Hank by now that we can manage an extra dog. But I am not really looking forward to adding another walk to my itinerary (or two?!) nor enforcing two different sets of rules for one dog who is not permitted on furniture. And lastly I am very not looking forward to going all the way to the airport first thing in the morning to pick him up. Hank's pickup was late at night and that sucked but I would definitely rather do that again than be part of QEW rush hour traffic. Fuckssake!

Oh well. I wrote all of the above last night then forgot to wrap it up. Mel was working late into the evening. Lunch was so out of whack we didn't even end up having dinner, by the time she finished around 7 or so. She was drained so instead of watching something emotionally taxing like we have been (the old Netflix Daredevil series now on D+) we just watched a marathon of Judge Judy. I eventually had leftover mini calzone I had made Sunday (I had cut the dough awkwardly resulting in one huge one and two smaller ones) and she had some popcorn. Weird night but oddly enough I might look back on it fondly.

This morning I managed to get Hank walked before the heat came in. Lately I've had to carry him home and I'm a little tired of it. He badly wanted to go for a walk yesterday afternoon/evening but it just kept getting hotter all day. We're back to the mid-30's after a brief reprieve. My poor plants are dying but that's largely because I neglected to water them. There is a fly trapped in the house. There used to be two but I got one of them.

And that's the news.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXVII: Flash Flood

So, my previous post, I kind of got cut off, and then I didn't manage to get back to it, so I posted it as it was.

There's been a lot of nothing to catch up on. We're living our lives, I'm struggling with my employment situation. One day, a guy gave me the finger on the road. That was a crazy one; we were in an awkward situation where I was in the turning lane, and the bus was beside me, but the bus is going to turn because there is a lane closure that makes it hard for the bus to turn from the lane closure. So I know when that light turns green, I'm not going to kick it into gear before the bus does, so I just let it go. And man, the dude behind me DID NOT CARE FOR THAT. Sheesh. I mean, I maybe could have made it, but he would've gotten eaten by the bus, you know? You're supposed to yield to those things. So we all got where we were going, but he had to be an asshole about it. It's the kind of thing that makes you wish you had dash cam.

I don't know. In those situations, I always wish I was someone stronger and more formidable than I am. I always wish I was someone who would be the wrong person to fuck with, that I had secret strength that only came out when some asshole wrongs me. That's the sad but real fantasy about superhero comics, I guess. There was that time in high school my friends and I were getting pelted by some dried up fries thrown by some older thug type dudes, and my friend slips me over a plate with a fry covered in ketchup and I'm so pissed I go for it. Just chuck it and immediately walk away. The dude caught me, and he was gonna beat my ass, because apparently the ketchup landed on his expensive basketball jersey. But a teacher happened to be walking by, and then I heard I was a marked man for a while but it settled down.

So, you know. I don't like bullies. I don't like assholes. That's a theme of a book I want to write. I heard that the director Uwe Boll is a trained boxer who threatens to fight anyone who gives him a bad review. So this internet critic took him up on it, but it turns out he's a trained muay thai fighter, so Boll backed down. Obviously I have absolutely no intention of becoming a muay thai fighter.

Last Saturday was the garage sale. Nice day for it, and although a lot of people said "Boy, not many people are participating," when I went around it felt like as many as have in years. Mel's parents had brought over some stuff, and I priced it, then adjusted my pricing at Mel's behest. We didn't sell our key items of a gaming chair and a hair dryer. But we sold 7 mugs at a buck apiece, and a Pez dispenser depicting Remy's brother from Ratatouille, for 50 cents.

Oh well. Like I said, it was a nice day.

The following Wednesday was Canada Day, which was spent at Mel's parents' house having an indoors barbeque. too damn hot to go outside, especially for the kids and Laura and Nonna and all. Noah was cranky, Sophia was cool. They mostly spent time going around in circles. Mel helped them set up their Yoto speaker thing. We had left Hank at Dad & Deb's and spent an hour or so catching up with them, which was nice. Overall it was a good day despite the heat, and we went out for a walk after we got home when it was almost kinda cool. We saw some of the foxes that are overrunning the neighborhood.

Mel had the next two days off, which were fine, you know. We did nice breakfasts and she slept in and whatnot. We did a workout on Thursday, then Friday we went to see Joe's cousin play with his Red Hot Chili Peppers cover band, a good time was had. By then it wasn't too too hot to spend all night outdoors. good to see Joe and Vic (that being his friend Vic, not his ex of course.)

Saturday, I had a bunch of running around to do and other than that we took it easy. Today, Mel's catching up on work (of course) and I'm, well, doing this.

It's an all right life, you know. When you have time for yourself and others. Things that feel good. I do wish I could focus a bit more when I do have time for myself and accomplish things that I want out of life. But things do feel pretty good. I'll leave you there.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXVI: (Coping) Strategies

It's been about a year since I left my job. In some ways it's like I just left, but in others I feel that year. I feel it today as I look for possible openings to apply to and find nothing.

For most of the last year, whenever I would ask myself, "Did I do the right thing?" I could confidently say yes. I was depressed. I was burnt out. I was against the wall. There was no developing further for me. The organization seemed to be about me. I knew when I quit that I would not have an easy time finding something else to do. I hate it when I'm right.

There's a lot of experience that I don't have, and the paralyzing thing is that I would need to choose one type of experience to try to get, which is time I can't spend learning to be something else. Instead here I am, wasting time sitting still. And definitely not up to par with Katie Bar.

Not to wail too much about what can never be again, but that was what was so good about the WFH years. I could pretend to be a writer -- and even reap the benefits -- without sacrificing my steady paycheck. And without abandoning my wife. And ultimately that's what it's about, you know. I never really explain this to people but a huge chunk of it is trying to be here to support Mel. I can't apply for jobs that aren't work from home, but what can I do from home? Who needs me, the way I need to be needed?

Harumph.

All these thoughts conflagrating in my head and there's a lot more to tell, because it was a busy week. Or at least an unusual one.

The rest of Mel's time away was what it was. Wednesday I watched St. Elmo's Fire, inspired by the documentary I had watched. It is not a very good film. Or it is a very good film that was intentionally made about the worst group of people I've ever seen. unsure. But it's definitely no Breakfast Club. Mel called every night to give me the download about her day. It rained a lot for her, but here mostly just at night. Because it was so cool, Hank wanted lots of walks, which kept me busy, and I didn't do much of my "own thing" except reading and frittering away the time. Oh well. I successfully avoided ordering food after that first day. Well, on Wednesday I had gotten a prime rib sandwich at Fortinos, which was lunch for two days, and then both Wed and Thurs I made chicken on naan for dinner, because I had made two chicken breasts and felt compelled to use 'em. (Actually it was only half a breast on each naan, so one went completely unused as yet.) 

Thursday I brought the winter tires to Nonna and, as promised, spent a few hours having coffee and watching TV with her, first the Switzerland-Bosnia&Herzegovina game, then news. That ate up a large chunk of time. I was going to go around 5, but then she said "Why not stay longer to avoid traffic" and I was like... fine, I see what you're doing. so I stayed until 6. Then I sat with Hank a while, then walked him. Dinner was la-a-a-a-ate.

Friday. Mel had suggested I should leave for the airport before 3, which seemed excessive to pick her up at 7:20. After lunch (the last of the leftover pizza) I spent some time cleaning -- because I figured she would appreciate it if the house looked nicer than when she left, and because her parents were visiting the next day -- and then as I was almost ready to go, Hank asked for a walk, around, you guessed it, 3.

So after we got back, I finished zipping the house up and headed out around 4, stopping off for gas which was at a recent low of $1.55/L. The drive out there took about an hour and 10 minutes, meaning I arrived at about 5:15 or so, which was perfect. Feeling peckish but knowing we were going out for dinner, I grabbed a cheese croissant and an iced tea from Tims. They actually initially gave me a butter croissant, but you know what, I really wanted that cheese one, and lineup be damned, I got what I asked for.

So with that settled I found a place to sit and read until her plane arrived, with an overpriced bouquet in hand. It took about a half hour to deplane but eventually we were reunited. We went to Jack Astors for dinner, ordered nachos, pan bread and lobster dip, which was maybe one app too many. The Brazil game was on but we weren't invested. Mel had some work to do at the table. Eventually we were antsy to get home to Hank but the server was dillydallying with getting our bill. Finally we left around 10 and it was only a 35 minute drive home and we got some good songs. Then we got in and conked right out.

Saturday was a lot. Mama and Papa H came to help with some household chores. Mel had to work for a while. We had some iced coffees. I cleared teh gutter, which isn't technically my responsibility but it's been needed. We did some planting and such and the big thing of clipping branches off our trees. By the end, Mel and I were both hangry and sniping at each other but we got over it and had leftover nachos from the previous night and watched some RuPaul All Stars.

Sunday was a bit more relaxed with P&S breakfast but then after about 4 Mel had to jump back on and do work and I did what I could without her in the backyard before making dinner. She felt bad she had lost so much time on our weekend, and of course why shouldn't she? They've gone and overextended her again.

-- truncated --

Kor-Saw

XXV: Build the Machine

So here I am, doing exactly the thing I said I would not do this week, which is sit and watch the minutes tick down. Actually I got a bit of writing done, nothing major but enough to satisfy me. The problem is I haven't got much else to occupy me.

It's very strange already, because the last time Mel went on a work trip, I was employed of course. Well, actually, that was during the cyber-attack so while I was employed I wasn't actually doing much work. I was focused and engaged though. Occupied with this and that. Now I'm in the middle of wandering the desert. I have nothing but Hank and a few trifles. Actually, that's not true either. I could and should do some cleaning before the day is over. I've got to feed myself somehow. I started a book yesterday that I'd like to keep reading. And of course I've got Hank (who was not here the last time Mel was on a trip.) But I keep falling into this trap of looking at social media and hoping something will spark some serotonin and it never does.

So. After double and triple checking everything Monday night, we got as ready as ready could be. Tuesday morning we got our early start. It was chilly out so we both found ourselves wearing pants. After walking Hank and saying goodbye, we left a little before 7. Our plan was to pick up some breakfast at Williams' and eat it on the train. We had even backed off our departure time to catch an earlier train just to remove all doubt that we'd be in good time.

So after getting breakfast -- and gum from the supermarket in case Mel needed it for her flight -- we went and caught the 8:47. Once we arrived at Exhibition station, and found a quick bathroom stop, we went to the streetcar and took the quick trip to Bathurst, then walked down into the airport. I had thought we'd be taking the ferry to the terminal, but it wasn't running so we just took the tunnel.

As we got Mel checked in, we realized her passport was expired, but luckily this is domestic travel. We resolved to get new ones after she returned. She was also very concerned that they weren't going to let her bring her backpack as her carry on, but the desk lady gave her the all clear.

So we waited a bit, and just kind of killed time before ultimately deciding it was time to part. I kissed her goodbye and watched her go into security, and that was that.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I considered reaching out to some of the few people I still know at Indigo but I still feel self-conscious about my lack of employment. I had been trying to tee something up with Tony but he's been unresponsive to my attempts to connect since getting my new phone. I decided I would walk up Bathhurt, swing down King and then by the Well, and if I happened to see somebody so be it, but aside from passing Amy on the street (she waved and smiled politely,) nothing. I visited the books until I decided it was just time to leave. Then I walked -- because I couldn't get a streetcar -- back to Union. I had been hoping to stop for a frap at Second Cup, but wouldn't you know it they were closed to maintenance, so I got an iced mocha from Mofer instead. Then at Union, a few trains were canceled due to mechanical issues somewhere on the line, so I didn't get on one until 1:17.

By the time I got back to Burlington, Mel had already landed in Quebec City!

I went home, had lunch, fed Hank, found something to watch on Netflix, took Hank on a very long walk indeed, and eventually figured out what to have for dinner, ordering sushi because I didn't want to leave the house again. I was beat. I ended up watching that documentary on the Brat Pack, which wasn't very good, or was very good if you enjoy cringing. Mel was at the office late, calling me at 11 (whilst I was watching AEW Collision,) but I let her go to eat her McDo and shower, so we ended up talking at 11:40. I had some popcorn -- only about half the bag, I didn't want to overdo it -- but my mouth still feels like it today.

So yeah, I've written a bit, nothing earth-shattering but I can at least feel like day 1 of Batch life wasn't a complete write-off and there might even be more later. I have a second coffee in hand. I think I'm going to read a bit more of my book. Maybe I'll have some more leftover pizza for lunch but I have no idea what dinner might be or where to get it from. I intimated that I might actually cook for myself today, but....... who knows.

All this peace and quiet and privacy is really messing with me head, you know? I put up a tough front but people need people. And I especially need my wife.

Monday, during my social media binge, I actually ended up learning that the spouse of an old high school friend had passed. I offered my condolences -- I had even met the person a few times in passing -- but but heard nothign in response. Something I've been chewing on.

On that cheery note, I see Hank fidgeting, and if I know my boy he's looking for another walk. Reading can wait.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

XXIV: Forsaken and Mistaken (Executive Dysfunction)

To the degree that I've ever been able to get anything done, I feel really incapable of getting anything done these days. My typical day begins with feeding Hank and indulging in a luxurious coffee and breakfast, hopefully also managing to serve food to Mel before Hank asks for his first walk. Then I get home and I need to recover and fix myself a second coffee.

Many days, like today, particularly when it's not oppressively hot, Hank will ask for a second walk around the time I'm done coffee 2. I don't know why he does this. He's usually had a perfectly good, long walk at this point, relieved himself, had ample sniffies, and yet he's suddenly compelled to have another. So I have to spend another 40 minutes taking him up and down and all around. At that point it's time to start thinking about lunch. If I'm lucky there's a 1-2 hour block in there somewhere where I can buckle down and get some work done, but often there's a lot of trying to cajole myself into the creative mindset. By 1 or so, I'm too hungry to focus and need to wait for Mel to be ready to eat.

Then we spend about an hour together, and that takes me to about 3 PM by which point it almost feels like the day has gotten away from me. I could try right now, but I'm just sapped, you know? I was getting on a roll when Hank started asking for walk two, and that killed my momentum.

He was getting pretty good at not asking for another walk during the day when the heat was up, but after the rainy weekend it's cooled down significantly, which means he really wants to be outside. I mean now he's happy to curl up in bed, now that the day is nearly over and I'm all tuckered out. Hm.

It was a busy weekend. We had Laura's baby shower on Saturday, so Friday night we were up wrapping gifts and preparing things for that. The next day as we were just about out the door, we had put Hank away, when Papa H texted to ask if Hank would be joining me for Boys' Day at Nonna's. We hadn't even thought to ask -- we thought Jake would be at one or the other so we should stay clear, but Ryan had taken him to his dad's, so Hank was free to come. He was so excited to go, too, it was sad to put him away, so it was nice that that worked out. I dropped Mel off and hung around for a bit until it was time to go. Randy, Hank, Nonna, Unc and I sat around watching the Switzerland-Qatar match and ate pizza and then espresso (after Unc, Randy and I all had a beer at Nonna' behest.) Unc was going to bring Noah, but Sherlie wanted him to stay, and in fact also wanted Unc to stay. Unc got a ring for a pickup around 5 (the event had been scheduled for 2-4) and I followed after. We ended up hanging aroudn until about 8 as Laura's friend who had planned the event, and a few others, lingered. Hank was very popular, as always.

When we finally left, Mel was getting to the point where she needed food asap so we ordered burritos to pick up on our way home. She required a bite while we were n the car, but unfortunately that caused a little bit of steak to tumble down her nice top. Luckily it came out in the wash.

We then watched a really traumatizing true crime doc called Maternal Instinct and the first half of a snoozer J.Lo romcom called Office Romance.

Sunday was running-around day as Mel was getting her nails done, so we went out for A&W Breakfast. I hung out at the mall and honestly there wasn't even that much time to do anything. Why does it feel like it used to take so long for her to get her nails done? She was even getting a pedicure. But it was about 90 minutes or so, which flew by. Then after we got home and she had a nap, we got started on packing her up for her trip.

Tomorrow she's heading off to Riviere-du-Loup, Quebec for a few days onsite. She hasn't traveled for work since early 2024, although it feels somehow even longer ago. So Hank and I will be puttering around the house by ourselves for a few days. And then maybe I can get some of this much-vaunted "productivity" done, but more likely I'll be batching it up. I don't know. I'm already overwhelmed at trying to figure out how to spend my time. I'm already somewhat on the hook to go see Nonna, partly because I need to bring the winter tires over anyway.

Late last week, we finally, finally got to the garden center. We didn't get everything we wanted, possibly because we were so late in getting there. In particular we always get Canna lilies for our planters, and there weren't any. This is what my life is like these days. We brought Hank and he was as usual a celeb to the two people we encountered there. Then there was this whole fiasco where we were going to pick up some Popeyes, but Mel got an SOS from someone at work, so I had to take her and Hank back but then by the time she logged on there was no issue anymore. She stayed on to do other stuff anyway while I went and got the food, and unrelated I couldn't order for pickup from our local location so I had to walk in an order it (which had been the plan when we were initially nearby... and anyway it was slightly out of the way but not much.) Ah well.

Life is lifing. I'm trying not to think too hard about how badly I am bailing at it. I considered trying to grab lunch with some old friends at Indigo while I'm in the city, but my overall embarrassment at the state of my affairs is prohibitive. I'd like to have something to say for myself before I see them again. 

By the way, I still have dreams about that place, usually on the theme of going back there and getting some kind of validation. Sad and obvious, subconscious. I need a new identity and to move on to a new phase in my life. No word yet on that writing sample. I'm not expecting anything.

I guess that empties me out for today. Probably not tomorrow, but maybe Wednesday will be the day I collect myself, at least temporarily.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto